Saturday, March 31, 2007

Yes, it's that magical time of the year when I'm bored off my ass and need to entertain myself, so I've been watching veritable STACKS of movies (and ingesting far more overly buttered popcorn than is good for me, but that's neither here nor there).
I'm not using Netflix because I'm against them on principle (don't ask. I feel like they're pushing Blockbuster out of the competition and I love Blockbuster and I am fiercely loyal, even to stupid things like movie-rental systems. I told you not to ask), so instead I'm ducking out to Blockbuster every three minutes and relying on my lovely HBO Movies On Demand and movie channels.

After extensive research, I have compiled The List Of Completely Brilliant and Amazing Movie Quotes Which Should Be Commemorated Through Away-Messages Or Something Of The Like Until The End Of Time*

*= just because I've selected a quote from a certain movie, doesn't necessarily mean that the movie isn't total crap. It just means that it had a rare moment of brilliance.


1. Heather Chandler: Grow up Heather, bulimia's so '87.
There are so many good quotes from Heathers- "I love my dead gay son," "You're beautiful", etc. This one just might be my favorite, though.

2. Baron St. Fontanel: A woman happily in love, she burns the souffle. A woman unhappily in love, she forgets to turn on the oven.

3. Allison Reynolds: When you grow up, your heart dies.
Andrew Clark: Who cares?
Allison Reynolds: I care.
It was TORTURE to have to pick just one quote from The Breakfast Club. TORTURE. Honorable mention- the "Smoke up, Johnny" quote.

4. Mugatu: SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You've done nothing! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!
[flings "M" shaped shuriken at the Prime Minister]
Mugatu: Die, you wage-hiking scum!
Every time I watch this scene I laugh so hard that I think my neighbors would actually be concerned about the state of my health if they weren't busy having extremely loud parties that go on until all hours of the night. Which usually I'm cool with, as they play good music, but the night before my finals it wears a little thin and I'm forced to throw shoes at the wall and scream "TURN DOWN THAT MUSIC!" like a little old lady with cats and headscarves.

5. Captain Renault: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Captain Renault: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
Rick: I was misinformed.
I didn't use "We'll always have Paris" because I thought it would be too cliche. But... we'll always have Paris.

6. Ron Burgundy: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
Brian Fantana: I don't know, Ron.
Ron Burgundy: Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.

7. Brick Tamland: I love... carpet.
Brick Tamland: I love... desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp. I love lamp.

It's actually too funny. Can something be too funny? I should not like this movie. It is idiotic. But it is also amazing. Which is why I used not one but TWO quotes from it.

8. Atticus Finch: If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.
I know that technically, any quote from the movie is REALLY a quote from the book. But is this list called List Of Amazing Quotes From Books? No, it is called the List Of Completely Brilliant And Amazing Movie Quotes Which Should Be Commemorated Through Away-Messages Or Something Of The Like Until The End Of Time. So there you go. This movie stars Gregory Peck and is amazing- not half as amazing as the book, but still amazing.

9. Margot: You probably don't even known my middle name.
Royal: That's a trick question. You don't have one.
Margot: Helen.
Royal: Damn.
Ah, the Tenenbaums. I really wanted to use "I think we're just gonna to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that, Ritchie," as that has always been my favorite quote from this movie, besides this one, but since it's the tagline for Touche19's blog I didn't want to be all plagiaristic and whatnot. This quote makes me laugh, though. For real, Royal Tenenbaum is the perfect deadbeat dad. "This is my adopted daughter, Margo Tenenbaum." It's funny 'cause it's wrong. To paraphrase Eli, I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum too. And no, it is not sad how well I know this movie. Tidbit- the hawk from this movie once came to speak at my school! Well, its handler did. The guy was telling us how the hawk was used in many movies such as The Royal Tenenbaums, and I totally freaked out. I should mention that this was in fourth grade. Why had I seen The Royal Tenebaums in fourth grade? I'm messed-up. Is it really any wonder that I'm so weird?

9. Cameron: I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Sloane: College.
Cameron: Yeah, but to do what?
Sloane: What are you interested in?
Cameron: Nothing.
Sloane: Me neither!
Isn't teen apathy awesome?. Honorable mention- "When Cameron was in Egypt's land...let my Camerons gooooo!" and "Bueller?...Bueller?...Bueller?..." I know it's not technically a quote, but...shut up. It's a quote! YOU'RE a quote. Why am I still talking?

10. Happy Man: Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' - this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin'.

EXTRA-SPECIAL BONUS- Lady at polo match: Edward is our most eligible bachelor, everyone is trying to land him.
Vivian: Oh, I'm not trying to land him, I'm just using him for sex.
Yeah, so my last quote and my bonus quote were from Pretty Woman. Shush. Be silent. You love this movie. And whether ye be young, old, short, tall, man or woman, you know you watch it every time it comes on cable. So says the Gospel According To Julia Roberts.
And if you don't, you should, you tool. I really tried to find a picture of the scene where Vivian gives hell to the evil blond bitch at the fancy store and walks out all fancy and la-di-da and awesome, but I couldn't.

Did I leave any quintessential amazing movie quotes out? I mean, I know I did, after all I could only fit ten on this list plus a bonus, but feel free to comment and berate me for leaving out fill-in-the-blank-movie-quote.

SIGHTINGS- Oh, wow. So many glories, so little time. This girl outside of the Sleep Store on Broadway was wearing a decidedly awesome knee-length coatdress printed with words in some foreign language- it looked like Japanese, but I could be wrong and probably am. A guy in Saigon Grill wearing wing-tip shoes, which for some reason charmed me A LOT. Another guy somewhere downtown (I forget the exact coordinates, so sue me) in a ridiculously awesome houndstooth blazer that could be from some vintage store, or could be from the sale rack at Generic Hipster Store. Either way, it was cool. And I think we all have to admit to shopping at Generic Hipster Store once in a while. Ooh, I saw so many great things at Cool Vintage Store while I've been working there,- it's going great, BTW, thanks to all the nice people who inquired...the other day my sole job was to sort racks of vintage dresses. HEAVEN-SENT- not actually ON people's bodies, but on the racks. For example; a red floor-length stunning Pierre Cardin gown, an AMAZING silk black-and-white flapper dress that I actually think is from the twenties (and I keep hiding it at the back of the store in fear of some bitchy little hipster girl buying it while I'm stil trying to scrape up the money to buy it- remember, I'm not getting paid, so even with my discount it's still like sixty dollars), some awesome green alligator pumps of indeterminate design, a beautiful onyx-and-silver necklace, a fun shirt that is actually not true vintage and is from H&M, but still has some vintage street cred because it's IN a thrift shop, a hot little fuchsia cocktail dress that totally looks like something Jael from ANTM would wear to prom, if she actually deigned to go to something as lame as prom, and about 2874303947 other sartorial delicacies. Sure, my job has its bad points- old men like to come in and perv around while staring at my chest, but that pretty much happens in any job, does it not? The Boob Lady, am I right?- and I have to haul ENORMOUS bags of vintage up stairwells for part of my day, but mostly I love sorting donations, organizing clothes, chatting with customers and hanging with my coworkers, most of whom are really nice.

CURRENT ATTIRE- My favorite hippie summer sundress over a skinny white wifebeater (because it's way too slutty without the tank underneath) with a black velvet blazer with chunky buttons over it. Also, my tried- and-true ballet flats that somehow make my calves look more elongated when I wear skirts, and these , my tried-and-true favorite sunglasses that, unlike most other sunglasses, do not make me look like a. John Lennon, b. Nicole Richie, or c. an idiot. You may notice that b. and c. are kind of redundant. I think later on I'll have to post a picture of this whole outfit modeled by my trusty thrift-store mannequin (I've been practicing making some of my own clothes lately, just little stuff like easy-to-sew shirts, so I needed a mannequin), because it's actually adorable but hard to describe.

CURRENT MUSIC- Samson by Regina Spektor. Of all the songs I've gushed about, I think this one might actually be my favorite. She is just incredible.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Monday, March 26, 2007

things i like- onyx pinky rings, weeping willow trees, regina spektor, boys named julian, croque monsieurs, french bistros, apricot fig perfume, magpies, blackberries, seaglass, swimming far out in the ocean and maybe seeing a seal, twenty-four-hour delis, pillows, sitting out on my fire escape, cold glasses of water, people who have tattoos of stars on their ankles, chandeliers, sheer stockings with no runs in them, how red wine looks when it's being poured, asterisks, excessive punctuation, lace, vintage brooches, people who can raise one eyebrow, scarlet lipstick, falling asleep in the sun, gospel music, gasoline rainbows, ripe cold plums, poetry that gets in your soul, popsicles, finding an earring in a snowdrift, wooden guitars, old-fashioned coke bottles, people who are bilingual, mica, cinnamon buns, ink pens, fred astaire, paper lilies, fuzzy blankets, running down a hill and feeling like you can't stop, alphabet soup with chicken and peas and carrots, old sunglasses, mcdonalds french fries, jean-michel basquiat, half-truths, oversized sweaters, the feeling you get in your chest before you cry, bubble baths, hippies, old-style diners with cheesecake in glass display cases, people who don't take any crap, red-gold hair, dr. seuss, sunday brunch, prosciutto, the two freckles on my ankle, gumball machines, paper lanterns, the word "crystalline", shish kebab, cicadas, stone floors that feel cold against bare feet, mother-of-pearl, ladybugs, jade elephants, the look of black coffee, slip dresses, half-moons, freedom of expression, the little "copyright" mark with the C inside the circle, feeling full to the brim of every emotion you have in you, bonsai gardens, the strand bookstore, traveling, possibility, fannie farmer cookbooks, peacock feathers, fishnet tights, neon lights, a candle's glow, darkrooms, people-watching, cobblestones, arguing politics, pear juice, crystal decanters, light-up vanities like all the hollywood starlets had in the fifties, old yearbooks, sound and fury, saturday night live, rhinestone cat's eye glasses, summer storms when the sky is bruised purple and navy and lightning cracks brilliant white, karma, tip jars that say "if you can't deal with change, leave it here", buttons and pins, the word "hodgepodge", porcupine quills, bottle caps, coconut shampoo, my treasured little gold nail scissors shaped like a swan, turkish rugs, people who tell good stories, spongebob and patrick, playing scrabble, multiples of three,, marbles, pretty glass bottles with fancy stoppers, dancing like nobody's watching (as long as nobody really is watching), ossie clark, charm bracelets, chili peppers, shark's-tooth necklaces, disco balls, driving around listening to fiona apple and getting lost, fizzing pink champagne, this restaurant in pennsylania that only serves cereal, amethyst, gypsies, windchimes, cloth tote bags, shakespeare, prose, poetry, eating lucky charms straight from the box, personification, exaggeration, gray's papaya hot dogs, chasing the mr. softee cart around town, half-price movie matinees, conch shells, lily pads, inkstands, wells, penguins, the hotel in sweden made completely of ice and snow, russian matryoshka dolls, my "las vegas" keychain, cursive script, americana kitsch, hot fudge sundaes (without the fake saccharine cherry, and with extra whipped cream), reading poetry out loud but not when anyone else is around, olive leaves, uncle john's bathroom reader, tacky costume jewelry, finding pennies on the ground, silk-and-lace camisoles, self-deprecation, safety pins, corollaries, eclipses, the beatles, dr. martin luther king jr., old photographs, the simpsons, fat little cherubim with harps, air bubbles in ice, biting my nails, consumerization, beat-up flip flops, takeout containers of rice from chinese restaurants, cranky old men, dorothy parker, people who surprise you, flapper dresses, bakelite bangles, birthmarks, red-brick townhouses, daydreaming, flea markets, hospital shows, curlicues, crisp white bedsheets, leopard-print ballet flats, gardenias, oxymorons, smith's rosebud salve, vintage cowboy boots, waterfalls, pearls of wisdom, guys in houndstooth suits, rhyme, reason, and everything in between.

***ADDENDUM- this was supposed to be just a post about the things i like, and it was supposed to be very poetic and meaningful and not involve any pop-culture reality-tv shit. Yeah. Screw that. Just watched ANTM, and to paraphrase the lovely crack whore janice dickinson- "Zip it, bitch. You're dead in my book". RENEE, I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU ASS-CLOWN. who says whitney can't be in vogue? at least she's not an elfin prostitute. also, a drag queen photo shoot? do you even comprehend the awesomeness of that? because all the girls look like drag queens? especially jaslene? even her name- jaslene- rhymes with drag queen? get it? get it? oh, never mind. but YOU get it. and just one more thing and then i'm gone. i think i might be...oh god help me...starting love natasha against my will. DAMMIT! I FEEL THE EARTH SHAKING! THE WINDS ARE CHANGING! THE TIDE IS HIGH! and now i have that blondie song in my head. the tide is high but i'm holding on... DAMN THE EIGHTIES FOR BEING SO CATCHY.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

It's very rare that I look at a designer's collection and wish to find some way of transporting every single item directly into my closet (and expanding it by about 2 or 3 sizes). This has happened only a few notable times, most recently with the beyond-amazing Cat Swanson.
Her stuff is a cool mix of eclectic, geometric shininess and old-time lace overlay. She is the last person in the world to make knickers cool.
And here are some pictures of her clothes that made me immediately feel as though everything in my closet was inadequate.

1. How cool are those silver shorts? I love how they look against the dark-blue silk of the tank, and the beads make it kind of insouciant.

2. This dress posesses my undying love. The juxtaposition of the blue against the turquoise of the beads...oh screw ithe fancy talk. So pretty!

3. This little number is kind of plain and unembellished, but it's so my style. See what I meant about the knickers? With a blazer, no less. And I like how the underneath-shirt looks romantic next to the starch white of the blazer.

4. I would shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die for this outfit.

5. It's the bad-ass version of the polo shirt. And how amazing is that skiiiiirt? When I make my fortune, the first thing I'm going to do is buy it. No, first I'll hire Gael Garcia Bernal to just stand around the house and look gorgeous. Then I'll buy this skirt.

6. Oh, fwaaaaw. This dress is so beyond beautiful. Look at all those shades of blue!

7. Tell me you didn't gasp at that dress. It's like if the Jetsons went to prom, only about 99374389 times cooler.

Any ideas on how I can make these things materialize in my room?

In other news, I accidentally picked up a book the other day and actually read it. And it didn't even come with a free DVD! Strange...
Just kidding, I love to read. But I tend to err on the side of chick-lit-shit these days, so I was proud of myself for reading The Lovely Bones. I'm about halfway through and it is CHILLING and I'm on the edge of my seat.
In still-other news, I know the Oscars were some time ago, but I was too lazy to post about them so I'm doing it now. I've spent a depressing amount of time rehashing everyone's outfit with my similarly idiotic friends, and we decided- Maggie Gyllenhaal, Penelope Cruz, Cate Blanchett, Emily Blunt and Reese Witherspoon were the best-dressed girls. Gael Garcia Bernal, Diego Luna, Leo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg (SWOON), Will Smith- hottest boys. All straight guys seem to dress the same at the Oscars, and at all formal events for that matter, so no prizes in the best-dressed man category. Besides, why look at the tux when you could be looking at the gorgeous slab of beef IN the tux? Jennifer Hudson- favorite winner (how cute was she when she was crying and thanking her granny?), even though she was dressed like shit. Who told her that bolero was a good idea? Oh, right, Andre Leon Talley. Well, there you have it. Little Miss Sunshine (I'm sorry, her name is ABIGAIL, Abigail Breslin, but...oh come on, she's Olive) and Jaden Smith- cutest little kids in the entire world who are probably complete show-biz brats in real life, but oh they're so adoooorable! Martin Scorsese- FINALLY.
Can't wait for next year!
P.S. Ellen is hysteeeerical. Even though she wore the red carpet, in the form of a pantsuit. I love her.
P.P.P.S. Will Ferrel=Sideshow Bob. Ladies, am I right?

Before I go, I think this post is SCREAMING for some quotes from Little Miss Sunshine. I just watched it for the umpteenth time. and God it never gets less screamingly funny (and never stops reminding me in a disturbing and lovely way of my family).

Olive: Grandpa, am I pretty?
Grandpa: You are the most beautiful girl in the world.
Olive: You're just saying that.
Grandpa: No! I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality. It's because you're beautiful.
This made me laugh so hard because it's so something one of my relatives would say to me.

Olive: I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves.
Pageant MC: Aww, that is so sweet.
[Audience applauds]
Pageant MC: Is he here? Where's your grandpa right now?
Olive: In the trunk of our car.

Richard: Oh my God, I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just... pretend to be normal.
Members of my family have actually SAID this sentence. Verbatim.

Dwayne: Do what you love. Fuck everything else.
So true, Dwayne. So true.

CURRENT ATTIRE- Red-and-white polka-dot blazer from Topshop, dark Elie Tahari jeans, PWT, black ballet flats.

SIGHTINGS- This woman in the park was wearing the coolest red floor-length trench coat I have ever seen in all my life. If I live to be a hundred, I'll never pull off a coat like that. But I'll probably try to, and look like a complete idiot.

Before I go- GOD this video is funny. If you love or hate Grey's/House, WATCH IT NOW. Go to YouTube and search "Grey's Anatomy/House Parody, and it's the first thing that comes up.