Friday, April 13, 2007

Hello my babies.
Sorry, I've been watching the "Donatella" clips from SNL way too much lately.
I miss the golden age of Saturday Night Live (Schweaty balls! Bobby Fischer, where is he? I don't know, I don't know! Cowbell. I could've used more cowbell.) as much as anyone else, but really, Maya Rudolph is AMAZING. Her Tyra Banks? Dead-on. DEAD-ON. By the way, did you know that her late mother is the singer of that song "Lovin' You?" 'Cause I didn't until somebody told me the other day.

Anywho, as promised, here is the list of people I am currently gleaning some fashion inspiration from, either because they're well-dressed or because they're somehow just beautiful or cool or have a little spark in them that makes me thing "Hmm" and sit up and take notice. You will notice that most of these are not people, or 3-D people anyway. So what? I was going to do a whole "Runway to Real Way" thing with the style look and then my version, but I only have pictures of some of my clothes (yes, I photograph my outfits at times, got a problem?) and I don't feel like spending six years posing in Photobooth trying to make myself look as slim as possible.

The Morton Salt umbrella girl. Since I was a kid I have been fascinated with this cute little picture. Something about it just strikes me as beautiful. Anyway, here's my approximation of the "When it rains, it pours" look.

Obviously, I'm not planning to buy solely yellow clothes from now on (I know people who dress all in one color, like, one day they'll wear all purple, the next all white, the next all black, etc. I think it's supposed to make them look intimidating and chic, but really they look like Crayolas. Where's the fun in a matching outfit?). But when I saw this vintage coat at work (I know nobody is going to believe this, but with my discount it was TWO FRICKIN' DOLLARS! DEAD SERIOUS!) I got a flashback to the sweet, unwittingly style-savvy little girl on the Morton's container and knew I had to pounce. So I did what any responsible retail-worker does. I hid the coat behind the register until my shift was over and I could employ the discount I've so come to enjoy. This one woman did manage to find it AND try it on, and I was frozen to the spot, screaming inside, "NO! No! It's the wrong color for you! And besides, it's MY coat, skank!" But all I could do was grit my teeth and ask if she wanted me to ring it up. Bitch. Luckily, I think her friend was blessed with extra sensory perception (or she could see the turmoil on my face) because she convinced her friend not to buy it and gave me a knowing look as they left. Te quiero, random lady.

Pop art-style comic books, in the vein of Dick Tracy. Besides having the effect of making me laugh (this picture is actually my buddy icon) with its awesome kitschiness, the woman is just dressed amazingly, in my opinion. Sometimes I wish I'd been alive for the days of opera-length gloves and little Phillip Treacy-style feathered caps and dashing men in Trillby hats and blue serge suits. Anyway, I've always loved old comic strips (as in, pre-Archie and Jughead) and been enchanted with the proper yet somehow whimsical style of dress.
So, voila! I present to you my new favorite skirt, found in a vintage store in Cambridge and immediately bought by yours truly.

By the way, it is SO much cuter in person than in the picture- the back has all these funky pop art pictures on it. I don't care if people think it's tacky, I LOVE it. And I wear it in a classy way, I think (I hope) with a white tank under a black velvet short sleeve blazer and black ballet flats, or alternately with black fishnet stockings under black boots, which sounds a good deal more motorcycle-whore than it actually is.

Blythe dolls. I know they're creepy and have huge heads and disproportionately large eyes with mysteriously dialated drug-addict pupils and are basically the doll incarnation of Lily Cole and her ilk (you know, the breed of model who looks like a teacup Chihuahua crossed with E.T.'s babies crossed with an eating disorder). But look how well-dressed they are! I totally prefer them to Malibu Barbie and Skanky Skipper or whoever. I covet the last doll's black bangs, as well as her printed screen dress, and the first one's blue updo and chunky glasses? PERFECTION. They're like way-cooler versions of the Harajuku Girls, because they have the good sense not to be associated with Gwen Stefani. And, because they're made of plastic, they can't speak or sing, and therefore cannot be even half as annoying as the Girls. As for the one in the middle- ah, if only I could pull off the white-girl Afro. But I can't. And here's a message to any misinformed white-girl-Afro-sporter who happens to be reading this blog- you most likely can't either. Yes, I'm jealous of dolls. Shush.

The flapper look. I have no idea who this is (it kind of looks like a way-classier Drew Barrymore, does it not?), but I found this picture online and I love it. Very few can pull off the flapper look- you have to be insanely boyish-figured and skinny and whatnot- but when you do, it is gold. I have this one amaaaaazing flapperesque black and white silk dress with an idirescent polkadot pattern (it's hard to explain) but I can't upload the photo of it for some reason. Anyway, I've just- and forgive me if this sounds pretentious- always been inspired by flapper-era style, and whenever something from that time period comes into the store I spend far too long salivating over it reverently.

Before you yell at me, I KNOW. I KNOW Cruella De Vil wanted to skin the puppies and make a fur coat, and she's one of the greatest movie villains of all time, yadda yadda yadda. And I love animals- of course I do, who doesn't love a furry little puppy? Except when it's peeing all over your new shoes. But that's a different story- and although I don't consider myself an animal rights activist (I mean, I do eat meat A LOT and wear leather occasionally, so it would be really hypocritical to jump up on my soapbox and pretend to be some kind of PETA crusader) I don't identify with animal-hatin' Cruella. HOWEVER. If we can get past her questionable ethics and nasty-ass skunked hair, LOOK at that suit. Please don't pretend like you don't have a secret fantasy of being some big business mogul or fashion editor and wearing that suit to work in your private jet whilst you scream via Blackberry at your rent boy, Hans, to bring you a Pellegrino and a bowl of Jelly Bellies with all the yellow ones picked out, POSTHASTE. Of course, I see myself more as the type to waitress in crappy coffee dives and sell handmade soap at street fairs on the weekends to pay rent while I work on my sensitive memoir, entitled "They Never Took Me To Disney World", but I could see myself doing the big-business thing for like a day if I could have that suit. It's deliciously awful and bad and wrong, but haven't you heard? Wrong is the new right. I MUST stop referencing everything I say back to America's Next Top Model. I don't think it's healthy.

I know it's probably too cliched and easy to pick Audrey as one of my style icons, but how could she not be? Besides, I don't really give a rat's ass if I'm cliche or not (hence, my profound love of WB boys and MAC cosmetics).


THE TV CORNER- I've recently started watching 30 Rock and it is FUNNY. High points- Alec Baldwin (he is too hilarious), Kenneth the NBC page (whoever cast this guy is a GENIUS), Tracy Morgan playing Tracy Jordan (it really shouldn't be so funny, but it is), as well as all the little details- the guy with the trucker hats, the crazily Botoxed leading lady, Rachel Dratch's frequent cameos. The low points- there really are none, except that I don't think Tina Fey is all THAT funny. I mean, I love her and all, but she just seems kind of cold. She's really funniest when she's writing for other people. This show isn't appointment TV- it's not like the heyday of Grey's Anatomy when I would barricade myself into the TV room and anyone who foolishly tried to knock on the door of my little sanctum between the hours of nine and ten got throttled immediately, and I am NOT exaggerating- but it's amusing. I'm pretty much getting over Grey's (not that hard, since they apparently don't MAKE NEW EPISODES ANYMORE, I mean come on, it's getting ridiculous), and this show combined with Scrubs after Ugly Betty on Thursdays could aid the transition.

CURRENT ATTIRE- I could lie (thousands would) and say I'm wearing something attractive, appealing, flattering even. But no. It's a lumpy and enormous Nike sweatshirt, with my cherry-print P.J. Salvage boxer shorts and gorgeous knee-length socks with stolen-from-the-Marriott hotel slippers over that. I always take as much swag as I can from hotels- my bathroom is a treasure trove of mini shampoo bottles and teensy adorable conditioners. Also, I've got some pretty sexy crumbs all over me, as I've been scarfing a plate of delicious double chocolate chip cookies. Oh dear God, they should be illegal. WHY IS THE UNIVERSE TRYING TO MAKE ME FAT?

SIGHTINGS- The cutest guy ever waiting for the Amtrak train back to New York. He wasn't dressed that well- I mean, he was, but it was very preppy and boarding-school with Tumi luggage as far as the eye could see. Not my style- I like my men "cute from a certain angle" (read- good-looking but not so cute that they're total bastards who walk around like they think they're the cock of the perpetual walk) armed with a healthy dose of irony which is expressed through their sartorial choices, thankyouverymuch. For this guy, though, I'd be willing to make an exception. He was like Prince William, only more attractive with a normal nose, and he wore sexy little wire reading glasses, and presumably his father isn't evil incarnate. I'm not a big Prince Charles fan- who is? Anyway, Mysteriously Attractive Train Guy (I like to name people in my head) turned to me and asked me if I knew what time the train was getting in. Vixen sex goddess that I am, I mumbled something intelligible and dropped my bag. I didn't even know what time the train was getting in, as I don't keep information of that nature in my head (I write it on my hand in Sharpie and then forget about it). So my Murder On The Orient Express fantasy (without all the murder) of meeting a stranger on a train and falling madly in love didn't really pan out. Do they ever? Anyway, now that I've made everyone out there feel better ("Yes, I'm single, but at least I'm not EMMA!"), what were my other sightings? A woman was bravely trying out the old scarf-as-headband look in Au Bon Pain. The scarf was nice- Pucci, looked real- but she just looked like she'd gotten confused and wrapped her belt around her head. Points for trying, Scarf Headband Lady. Thank you for playing. I saw one of those annoyingly perfect pixieish Natalie Portman types in Urban Outfitters (I sometimes go down to the home department and just slump in the totally comfortable chairs on my lunch breaks. I got a lot of dirty looks from the employees, but hey, maybe you shouldn't make your CHAIRS SO ACCESSIBLE IF YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO SIT IN THEM), wearing a long scarf, a pair of Frye boots, an adorable little pair of violet tights and a dark denim short coat with a white lacy minidress just poking out underneath. It sounds hideous, but the bitch made it work. Tim Gunn would have been so proud (or appalled.)

Must be off, cookies a'waiting.


missx said...

Those Blythe dolls made me smile. Creepy things are weirdly attractive to me.

The Morton salt girl is one of my friend's idols. She loves dressing like she's from the 50's, and wears cardigans ALL THE TIME. If she saw that yellow coat, she would rip it off of you... where do you work? TWO DOLLARS? I am a sucker for a bargain.

The Queen said...

I think you've been inside my head.

Is it nice in there? I wouldn't know.

What I mean is, everything you type is like a torrent of things I think about on a daily basis--but can never remember in my boring/retarded/uninteresting posts.

Cheers...props...whatever it is...this is my favorite post so far.

And nice yellow coat. I like it. Sure, I'd look like a fat lemon or something, but it works on you.

L. said...

Yellow coat = godliness. I have olive-y skin and can't wear yellow so am totally jealous of your yellow wearing skills/skillz.

Also agree about Cruella's suit, love to hate to love it?

As for favourite Rilo song, possibly hardest question ever. Probably a tie between the awesome-ness of Science vs. Romance and the catchiness of The Frug. Yeah, no one I know is as much into RK as I am. Probably cause the only people I know who like cool music are guys and they are all like 'I can't get into it cos the singer's a chick'. They are lame.

To finish, Rilo Kiley is the most underrated band ever.

maya said...

that coat is the sex. I found a bery similar one in Zara for about $20 and it was green and very very cool but I was with my mum and she wouldn't even let me try it on (she has something against bright colours). I also love the skirt. I love pop art and bought all these really cute postcards in MOMA.

There is a girl in my year who looks like a Blythe doll. I'm not even joking. Same round face and iny body. Same huge eyes and long doll like blonde hair. its kind of creepy.

mary said...

ahhhh i cant get over that yellow coat, you lucky girl

-S said...

oh wow. i think this is the LONGEST post i have ever seen in my life. but i do agree with most of it. and love the yellow coat. what a great colour.

molly said...

yeah it was a joke...but a terrible and horrible one that was a shame to whatever shred of wittiness i may or may not possess

have you noticed a lot of people claim youre inside their heads??
well youre not inside my head
because its not really as cool and as exciting as it would be if you were!

love love love the yellow raincoat

MOLLY GRAY said...

it's amazing that u can recreat ur fav picture..
+molly g.+

kf said...

oh. my. god: maya rudolph is a GOD. simply amazing. no joke. have you seen her Diana Ross? CLASSIC. CLASSIC.

hopefully something will come to fruition with working in NYC: times square is just like disney land so NOTHING sounds appealing. but, i'll be there everyday for an internship, so might as well see if i can make the best out of the shitty, shitty area.

Dilemma said...

This one woman did manage to find it AND try it on, and I was frozen to the spot, screaming inside, "NO! No! It's the wrong color for you! And besides, it's MY coat, skank!"

That reminds me of that part in Confessions of a Shopaholic when Rebecca is working at Ally Smith[I think?] and she stashes the one woman's leopard print jeans under the register because she wants them for herself.

Oh, and that skirt is to die for. Literally.

Meg said...

I love fur.
I think we need pictures of the "pasties, a leather whip and stiletto shit kickers." Even though I'm not sure what pasties and shit-kickers are.
PS. How can you eat cookies and junk food to the max and still retain an excellent figure?

stilettoheights said...

I collect those old romance fact one of my most loved things is a great piece of original artwork with a woman looking all down and her mom telling her if she doesn't look good and dress good her new husband will cheat on her, and who could blame is priceless.

Poshhh said...

that dick tracy comic skirt is flat out amazing.
want to exchange links?

Anonymous said...

Like everyone else, I LOVE the coat. Fab-o. I imagine you should be prancing all around in it today with some lovely patterned rubbers and head scarf a la NeNe.

maya said...

I always imagined you with short curly blonde hair. how wrong i was

Regina and Renee said...

lovely post. truly lovely.

oh, and your wish might just come true....prince william and kate middleton are DUNZO!! maybe u really can be the queen of england!! hehehe. but if you do really become queen, put me on the waiting list for harry!!!


maya said...

how do you imagine i look?
you think what's going to be your motto? wierd hair is sex?
you should try by a mighty boosh dvd on amazon or something cuz it is so funkadelic it's unbelievable.

sara said...

i love that yellow coat
where do you work?
I love how that skirt thing says dick right at the bottom

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
maya said...

I have brown curly hair but I do have a kind of ginge vibe. I mean that in the nicest possible way cuz one my best friends is ginger and she has this really crazy vibe and i kind of have that too.
closeish. closer than i was to your hair anyway.

Anonymous said...

be a little more perfect, please!
I dare you!

I'm obsessed with your writting, and the salt girl has always inspired me as well!!! You are SO LUCKY to have such an awesome job (minus the annoying people and the messy racks).

major kudos to this post :]

sorry for the double comment, I just had a slow moment...

Regina and Renee said...

well lucky for u, kate middleton seems to be gone from young wille's life!!! now u can step on in and soon be the queen of england!!! lol. omg that yellow coat is cute cute CUTE!!! and just because i know that i want to be an actress, doesnt mean that i dont still think about being a superhero....that would be some sweet stuff there...thanks, now im not sure what i would rather be, a superhero, or an actress...ugh now i have to go think about well very cute blog!! i would write more, but my puppy is destroying my books in the other room!!!!!!!!!!!!


dusk&summer said...

WOW that coat is AMAZING. 2 dollars? I would be bouncing off the walls lol and that skirt is 2 killer :)

Marissa said...

Once I got a skirt from Old Navy for 10 cents. Yes you heard me: 10 fucking cents. Now it happened to be 2 sizes too big and a mini bubble skirt and was just getting to be out of style but I couldn't resist it and I'm still trying to decide what I'll do with it.

-ciao bella- said...

as always i'm just absolutely loving your posts... xx

Bella said...

The salt girl is so adorable, I never thought of her as a fashion icon but now and ephiphany has entered my head! I love it...All of you're icons are so unique which I also love <3

ashley heaton said...

your inspirations are so cute. i love the flapper look too :)

The Boob Lady said...

The Donatella clips are amazing. I love the one where they're skiing.

"No, you are de beetch."

"If you were a soda, you'd be a bitchacola."


WAT said...

Donatella: GET OUT!

AAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH! LOVE IT! Yes, her mom was indeed the late Minnie Ripperton.

Mya is a real oddball and very funny on SNL, especially playing diva singers.

Elle said...

your posts are abnormally long- in a good way and i like that comic cartoon ish shirt?? idk, and that little doll with the blue hair was so cute. :)

Junk Thief said...

Morton's Yellow Coat Girl always intrigued but confused me. It was sort of a "Is Chicken of the Sea fish or chicken?" question. Does the salt not pour when it's dry? Was she pouring it in the rain because it was beginning to freeze and she was concerned about people slipping? Does rain have some chemical (or spiritual) power that forced the girl to let the salt pour? Or is she just a little hell cat that likes to waste salt? (If so, she was my kinda gal!)

These mysterious, life-defining questions always got me in a tither as a child to where I could not concentrate on algebra.

All these years later I remember the Morton Salt girl clearly but not one thing from algebra!

the lipstick lady said...

oooh that dress from sabrina, I would never be able to pull it off. I mean, nobody would but it's so beautiful. I was practicallly screaming when she was dragging it all over the tennis court. even though she was dancing with humphrey bogart, but I still don't know which I'd prefer to do- dance with humphrey bogart or wear that dress.
That yellow coat is truly magnificant, and fr $2?? and here I was thinking new york was all expensive. When I go (which I will... when my parents stop trying to lecture me about how clothes aren't everything and I should really culture myself and go to the tate modern which is just a tube ride away or whatever but I'VE ALREADY BEEN SO GO AWAY, I'VE BEEN AT LEAST 3 TIMES NOW) i'm going to do some major thrift shopping, and just pretend to be you and get outrageous discounts or something.
keith is actually just your average boring english person with a shaved head and could have a beer belly if he wasn't so ridiculously fit but I have no doubt in my mind that kendra and keith are working together in some kind of 'devils beginning with 'k' ' union or something

alexgirl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

just reading this reminds me of why i adore this blog and you! i have never thought of the morton salt girl (btw, what is her real name, i bet she has one like minnie or milly or meg or something...) as a fashion icon, but good point! i am in love w/ the coat- it's yellow and a trench! amazing! and like dilemma i was totally reminded of shopaholic! haha, funny how we all seem to read those amazing novels....

that skirt is super cute, not tacky, esp in the way you describe how you wear it...

and if you had left audrey out that would have been horrendous!! she def deserves to be on this....

molly said...

i love your train encounter. the only people who ask ME for the times, etc. are hoboes whose beards are so full i cant tell if theyre good looking or not.
and thats the worst.

ambika said...

That yellow jacket was 2 bucks?! I'm so jealous.

And Audrey is just awesome. Even if it's cliched to think she's awesome.

Gryphon said...

Ok, Maya Rudolph is a goddess. She can be Donatella AND a Rental, she's my role model.

Isabel said...

Oooh, I love your coat. It is practically identical to my Burberry!!! I'm so glad that lady's friend discouraged her from buying it!

P.S.: I kinda like Cruella's hair. :)

hellocello said...

you are god.

everyone says youre in their head. no, you're living my wanna-be life. that makes no sense but whatever.

the yellow coat: AWESOME!
the Mysteriously Attractive Train Guy scenario was so movie-in-the-making-esque....

god i should live in NY.


The Queen said...

Man ohh man. I should really get you to help me pack for YAG.

I have to have at least four nice dress outfits set up by tomorrow night...and with the materials I have to work with?!?!

Well, I'm hopeless. Any last-minute ideas?

(Psssst! I moved a bit. )

jungle dream pagoda said...

Your writing style is quite fabulous,and you have a lovely eye for style!Yep,love the coat,and heck I confess!I love Blythe too!

Fashionistakay said...

Hey thanks for stopping by my blog, yours is fab too! And I'm not just saying that because you said that about mine. HONEST! I like the yellow coat you posted your version of "when it rains it pours". and I think we share the same love for audrey hepburn. Oh and getting back to that yellow coat...a couple of months ago there was a flat shown in Teen Vogue which I call the new version of the rubber boot. Its made of that same material yet displayed as a very cute flat. Those shoes would definitely compliment your coat.

alexgirl said...

Hah! i am jealous.

what's your fave B&J's flavor? I vacillate almost daily. But right now that "lighten up" chocolate fudge brownie mixed with cookie dough is totally my thing.

Would it be wrong to have my bachelorette party in the kitchen of Levian Bakery? hah.

Brittany said...

oh wow that coat is fab!

S. said...

Congrats on the coat! It's gorgeous. That was a tense moment. I was feeling it as you told the story.

Crazy Eddie said...

Maya Rudolph absolutely rocks. I lurve the bish. I've seen just about ever skit SNL has to offer and Maya is simply luscious. Donatella is up there, but have you seen her rendition of Diana Ross?? The skit where Diana is locked up because of her drunk driving escapade had me in hysterics. TIN-A NA NA!!

Kudos on that yellow jacket sweets. Yellow cannot be worn by just anyone, but you my dear wear it like a bee without it's black stripes. Luscious indeed.

Also... Cruella's dog is the bomb.


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Jeff said...

The Morton salt girl is one of my friend's idols
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