1. What's your middle name?: Sex bomb.
2. Is your cell phone a flip phone?
Yeah, actually, ‘cause I’m retro like that. And because it was the least expensive phone available.
3. Have you ever been to New Jersey?: Mais bien sur. I go to the Paramus mall every day-before-Christmas-eve with my uncle to buy last-minute gifts (we’re both kind of spacey about present-giving- we usually end up giving everyone horrendous tacky novelty pins and the like) for everyone in our family. I also have some dear friends who live in Joysey, but I usually make them come up and visit me because (and I’m not pulling a Sienna Miller here, I don’t mean this bitchily) I get kind of bored there. I’m very ADD, so I need lots and lots of urban distraction.
4. What's your favorite soda?: I don’t drink soda. The last time I drank a Coke was when I was five years old in an art gallery in Russia with my mother. I have a vague memory of throwing up in the coatroom.
5. Do you have satellite?
Say what? I have…cable, I think. Is that the same? I don’t know, I’m not technologically blessed.
6. Where did you go to college?
Harvard. I majored in BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh man, that’s hard to keep up. I have not as such attended an institution of higher education yet. But I fooled you, didn’t I?
7. What's the longest road trip you've been on?
I took a three-day road trip once with my aunt and some friends, armed only with our (not-so-full) wallets and the Road Food guidebook my aunt gave me for Christmas two years ago. We all ended up screaming at each other, losing maps and eating a lot, but it was crazily fun. And so very Jack Kerouac, yes?
8. Did you go to a private school?
Yeah. I’ve actually attended a bunch of schools but the one I’ve attended for the longest time is private.
9. What's your favorite smiley?
The pirate smiley. And the old-school vintage smiley with a twist…it’s a Magic-8 Ball! And this weird, yin/yang-but-not snarly/smiley which I love with all my heart.
10. Do you buy lottery tickets in hopes of winning?
The lottery is evil, dude. In fifth grade when we were studying probability, and, by association, the New York lottery, I had this breakthrough- “Where is the money that people pay to buy Lotto tickets GOING?” I was a total idiot- I thought maybe it was going to some illicit crack den or something and I’d totally cracked the code and nobody had ever thought of that before me. I told my teacher my theory, and she laughed. Hard. It was mean, actually. I was like TEN. No need to squash all my delusions of grandeur.
11. What year were you born in?
The year of living dangerously.
12. Do you like the smell of Sharpies?
God, no. I love Sharpies, especially miniature sharpies, but I hate the smell.
13. What does your screensaver look like?:
Leopard print. Grrr. It used to be a picture of me and my friends in amusing hats, and then before that a picture of a constellation of stars, which always used to distract me because the stars had some technology to make it look like they were moving around and shooting, and I would sit down at my computer ready to do work and an hour would go by and I would realize I’d been there transfixed by the shimmery-glimmery stars and hadn’t begun whatever it is I was meant to be doing.
14. Do you have an iPod?:
No, I’m practically Amish. I don’t have a Myspace/Facebook or a cellphone that was made in the twenty-first century, either. If it weren’t for my blessed computer, upon which I listen to music, watch TV and pretty much do everything, I would probably be a) filling out this survey on a banana peel, and b) doing really well in school.
15. What's your biggest pet peeve?
DO NOT GET ME STARTED. I can’t list just one! But, top 5- people who come into Cool Vintage Store and don’t put the clothes they try on back on the racks, people who sneeze on me in the subway or bus (really, it’s like they seek me out. SNEEZE INTO YOUR HAND. Don’t you know that’s how the plague got started? Oh, wait, or was that rats? Whatever), condescending people, people who EAT YOUR FOOD and then pretend they didn’t know it was yours (I’m generally not a physically violent person, but I am vicious about food) and coleslaw. I don’t know why, but coleslaw just angers me. It always has. Ugh...
16. What shoe size do you wear?:
8 ½ to 9.
17. What's your favorite kind of cereal?: What isn’t my favorite kind of cereal, would be a better question. I’m trying to be slightly more healthy (read- lose weight for the hell of bathing suit season) so I’ve been eating disgusting bran-type stuff lately, but nothing beats a classic bowl of Lucky Charms, with or without milk.
18. Do you ever listen to Classical music?
Meh. Sometimes it’ll be playing in the background of a room I’m in and I’ll kind of like it, but really, I’m not a fan.
19. What kind of instruments do you play?
Guitar. I used to take piano in third grade, but I quit.
20. Do you like Girl Scout cookies?
Who doesn’t? Bring on the Thin Mints. I’m furious that Girl/Boy Scouts don’t peddle here in NYC. If you think about it, they’re kind of the drug dealers of the cookie world. Maybe somebody should mention that to the Scoutmaster.
21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
No. But I have stared wistfully at huge tacky white limos and thought “What I wouldn’t give to be the tacky suburban teen couple passed out in that magnificent vehicle on their way back from the senior prom. Oh, to be clad in lurid ruffled chiffon and dance the night away with a wasted stoner in his big brother’s lurid white tuxedo!”
Because nothing says "Romance" like ruffled puff sleeves and a mullet.
22. Do you like Hummers? NO. NO. NO. It’s one thing to have ginormous cars for BATTLE, but come on, every generic New York tanorexic mother who’s practically run me down at crosswalks because you were too busy screaming at your staff from your Crackberry to watch where you were going, do you really need a frickin’ MILITARY TANK CAR to squire your two blond children to soccer practice?
24. Are you scared of horses?
No. I like horses. I never really had a horsey stage, and I loathe My Little Pony with the white-hot fire of a thousand screeching rockets, but I like real horses. They’re very gentle and peaceful. Unless they’re, you know, bucking you. Plus, I really like riding outfits.
25. Do you like milk chocolate or dark chocolate?: Milk chocolate. I wouldn’t refuse dark chocolate, but if I got to choose I’d take milk chocolate.
26. Do you wear glasses?:
I’m supposed to, but I’m too vain to wear them outside of class.
27. Does it annoy you when people misspell things?:
I’m a total grammar Nazi. It’s actually pretty obnoxious. I try to stop myself from correcting people’s spelling, but it’s hard- sometimes I have to bite my lip to keep from blurting out, “ANDROGYNOUS IS SPELLED WITH A Y!”, et cetera.
28. Do you like the beach or the mountains:
Why do I have to choose? Why can’t I spend my summers frolicking on the beach and my winters holed up in a shack in the mountains like some crazy old shut-in? GOD. No need to PIN ME DOWN, SURVEY.
29. Have you ever taken cough medicine when you didn't have a cough?:
No. Why? Are you subtly trying to figure out if I’m a druggie? I’m onto you, Survey. Don’t you lie to me.
30. Have you ever been to band camp?
Well, just this one time…Okay, I don’t feel good about that. That was way too easy. I apologize to you all.
31. Do you know any guys with a receding hair line?
Unfortunately, yes, but I wish I knew Stewie Griffin (I still prefer The Simpsons to Family Guy, but Stewie makes it a semi-difficult decision). Well, I guess his hairline isn’t so much receding as not grown yet, but still…
32. Do you know what Chacos are?
Do you know what a phylactery is? No, me neither.
34. Have you ever watched Room Raiders on MTV?:
Actually, I don’t think I have. I mean, I’ve never sat down to watch an episode- it’s possible that it has at some point been on in the background in some room I was in and therefore has seeped into my consciousness and I will soon randomly get a flash of knowing what the show is about, like an out-of-body experience. Is it sort of like Trading Spaces? No, I don’t know.
35. What's the best Christmas present you've ever got?: I would have to say my knitted monkey toe socks. Shut up. I love them.
36. What's your favorite Popsicle flavor? All Popsicles taste the same to me.
37. Did your parents give you an allowance?: They used to give me a regular one. Now they give me money for food, Metrocards etc., which sounds weird but I end up eating most of my meals out of the house. I still think of it as an allowance but it’s really not.
38. Did you ever watch Rugrats when you were little? Yeah. I liked Angelica. I saw a lot of myself in her. And I liked Suzie Carmichael too, and Chuckie. It is NOT sad that I know the Rugrats so well. It’s NOT. Okay, it is. But honestly, I have a photographic memory- not for anything relevant or useful, like peoples’ phone numbers or European history, but for little facts and TV characters in particular.
39. How many myspace groups have you joined? I already told you, I’m nearly Amish. I don’t have a Myspaz. By the way, no offense to the Amish…but hey, it’s not like any of them are reading this! HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAAHHAHHAHAHA Oh God, my head hurts. Laugh with me. LAUGH.
40. What do you think of standardized tests?:
In theory I hate them- they’re really oppressive and I don’t think they’re an accurate measure of intelligence or how much you deserve to attend a certain school- but I actually like the vocab sections. I hate the math ones, though, and I’m not such a big fan of the ones where you have to read a huge passage and summarize it or whatever- I’m not that kind of reader.
41. What's the craziest thing you have ever done?
Well, the other day I went to Starbucks and bought a piping-hot coffee, skim milk and Splenda, as per usual. HOWEVER. I knew that the coffee would not cool down for at LEAST five minutes or even more, yet I raised the cup to my lips…and with no regard for my safety or the possible burning of my tongue…I took a sip.
I know. I’m wild.
42. Have you ever cheated on a test?:
What’s your pants size? Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were asking each other awkward questions.
43. Is tomorrow your birthday?:
No, but I plan to eat cake anyway.
44. Have you ever choked on your own spit?
Ew! No, not that I know of. I’ve choked on my own laughter, and almost all kinds of food as a result of hysterical laughter. My friend told me a story today and I thought I was going to choke on my cinnamon bun. People shouldn’t tell me funny things when I’m eating, it’s hazardous to my health.
45. Do you like roller coasters?: YES. Bring them on. I always have a nervous breakdown waiting in line to go on, almost chicken out, get dragged on by my friends, and end up being glad I went on. At the risk of sounding like a “You don’t need drugs!” commercial, there’s something about that exhilarating fear right before the ride lurches down that makes me feel very…alive, you know?
46. When was the last time you went roller blading?
Two summers ago. I fell down in Central Park and skinned my knee in front of about sixty tourists. And I used to belong (IN MY YOUTH, like my very very young youth, like fourth grade, so shut up) to a…God, I hate to say it…rollerblading league. And you know you are jealous. But I jammed my finger one time during an intense game of Rollerblading Steal The Bacon, and I remembered that I am prone to bodily harm. So I quit. Just like that bitchy girl in The Cutting Edge, after she got injured. I love stupid movies, but I could only stomach that one for twenty minutes. I wonder what happened to her after she met that cute guy on the beach?
47. Have you ever wished you had a twin?:
Every single day of algebra. And physics. And floor hockey.
48. Do you have a caffeine addiction?: God, yes. Seriously, don’t talk to me in the morning before I’ve had some form of caffeine or artificially sweetened pastry topped with pink icing. I happen to be drinking really bad coffee at this very moment. And eating a Pop-Tart.
49. Do you get claustrophobic easily?:
Yeah. I don’t, like, hyperventilate in elevators on a regular basis, but when I get stuck in elevators I FREAK OUT. And I just don’t like very enclosed spaces in general.
50. Would you ever kiss on the first date?:
I’m offended! Remember, Survey, that I am a lady. If this was an old movie, I would be wearing a petticoat and slapping you daintily right now. And then storming out with my parasol.
But yes, if I liked the guy.
Please fill this out! I want to see you guys' responses. And don't feel obligated to add in pictures- that's just how I roll. ;^) Yeah, I said that.
THE TV CORNER- Oh, how to do this? So much to discuss, so little time. I know! I'll do this.
RANDOM MUSINGS THAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD DURING THE LAST EPISODE OF ANTM
1. Renee's parting shot- "I'd rather have wisdom in my eyes and thoughts in my head than a blank and empty mind" was awesome, but would really make so much more sense if she wasn't, you know, an evil bitch queen from Hades.
2. If the camera ADDS ten pounds, what the hell is Jaslene on? And can I have some? Girl is skinnier than the love child of Ellen Pompeo and a Twizzler.
3. Did it ever cross anybody's mind that maybe Tyra sort of has a thing for The Nige? He is fine, y'all. And he's always like, foisting her off. It's somewhat amusing.
4. God, I am such a loser for caring enough about ANTM to actually talk about it- in all seriousness- on my blog.
5. No, you know what? We live in a time of poverty, and disease, and George Bush. If I need to discuss America's Next Top Model, so be it.
6. "Battle Of The Accents"? Oh, Tyra. You're too much. No, really, you are. Go away now. Just go and sit down over there. Thanks.
7. I wonder if there's any truth to the rumor that the J/Jays are joined in the act of love? It's v. highly unlikely, but I hope it's true. In the words of Tracy Morgan on 30 Rock, "Freaky-deakies need love too."
8. When I saw Jas-queen win and was raging to my friend over the phone, I heard myself say, "IT'S SO UNFAIR THAT SHE WON JUST BECAUSE SHE'S A BETTER MODEL!" Hmm. It's true, though. I love Nata! I hope we haven't seen the last of her, but we all know what happens to runners-up on this show. They slink off into the vortex of anonymity like shamed pregnant teens at the prom- not that the winners exactly achieve much outside of a "My Life As Tyra's Lapdog" commercial.
9. Sass + Bide? But that's, like, a real brand. A respected brand, even. A brand I like. Tyra! What have you done? You've mistakenly BOOKED A GOOD DESIGNER! That's not you! You book Payless Shoes and Sears! What the hay-ell? (I kind of miss Dionne).
10. "When I had a baby, I thought my life was over." Too bad Renee didn't win (never thought I'd say that, even though she totally did have the best commercial)- she could have put some of that money towards her child's future therapy. Trust me, he'll need it. Also, "win this for the mamas"? Dude. One episode ago you didn't even believe Natasha HAD a baby.
That's all, folks! Can't wait till next cycle...God, this will probably always be my hate-to-love-it show.
Ugly Betty...did anybody else get a sudden bad attack of "allergies" during the finale? It was so sad, y'all! HENRY! NOOO! CUTE NERD! WHY? Why did he go back with Tiny Pregnant Hippie Whore? GOD. I was totally screaming at my TV. Why don't the people in my TV ever listen to me?
But anyhow. It was a very good episode, I thought. And I'm of the opinion that Tranny Get Your Gun had kind of outlived her usefulness on the show. But still, it was great.
The Office- I TiVoed it and haven't had a chance to watch it yet. But the great thing about The Office is that it hardly ever slips, so I know I'm in for something hysterical.
Scrubs- what is there to say, really? I'm glad it's coming back next year. It's not my appointment-TV, die-if-I-miss-it show but I love it anyway.
Oh, and even though I'm sad about all my shows ending, I'm kind of gleeful about The End Of Grey's. I know, I know, it's coming back next season, but just for tonight let me dream of a world without Grey's Anatomy, a world where I am free. Everyone at school talks about it ad nauseum and really, I hate the show so much now. What happened? Did it get really bad or did I accidentally develop taste in TV?
I think it's the former- after all, I do love ANTM and all that hideous MTV crap i.e. My Super Sweet Sixteen (although I just get a kick out of laughing at the kids, if I think about it too long it hurts my head).
SIGHTINGS- Nice leather bowling bag, Girl With Leather Bowling Bag. It looked designer but I just couldn't tell. I liked it, though. Also, excellent madras shorts, Sexy Boy In Madras Shorts. See, I think you were wearing them ironically, which makes me happy. Certain things should only be worn ironically, such as madras and plaid.
Oh, and hello, All-White Pantsuit Lady Who Looked Totally Classic And Timeless In An Isabella Rossellini Way. Why can't I be you? I bet keeping that suit clean on the subway is a bitch, though.
CURRENT ATTIRE- Vintage pale pink slip dress from Cool Vintage Store, ballet flats in a shocking shade of fuchsia (I hate matching), tacky bangles, Strand Bag.