Sunday, May 13, 2007

Happy Mothers' Day, all. To celebrate this day of motherhood and family unity and general love, I will be attending a "candlelit mother-daughter spinning class set to eighties music" with my mother. Don't look at me like that. You can't make this shit up! I know. I KNOW. What could I do? She gave birth to me. But I also bought her a lovely Williams-Sonoma potholder that I HAND-SEWED to read "The critic roams through culture, looking for prey"- Mason Cooley. Because my mother- much like myself-likes to criticize things and bake a lot. AND, I got her this lamp from Cool Vintage Store. I know, I'm a perfect daughter. So obviously now, to get my mind off my outrageous and uncharacteristic niceness, I will be posting pictures of the fabbest clothes I have seen in a long, long time, and that's including the fantastic black-onyx-bead-embroidered miniskirt at Cool Vintage Store that I've been lusting after (and hiding behind the register) for three days.

All this stuff is by my new FAVORITE designer, Basso+Brooke. Well, here, style.com says it better than I-"Who knew that Donatella Versace and John Galliano once eloped to Rio and secretly gave birth to a pair of love twins?"

This stuff is all from the 2006 line- they get much more demure after this- but I think it is my favorite collection. I mean, LOOK. Oh, the tulle and houndstooth and floaty angel-wing sleeves and crayon necklaces and big hats and oh my God, that LAST DRESS! It actually hurts my throat a little bit, that's how much I love it. Why can't I have it? Why? Why? I feel like I'm about to throw a giant screaming fit like a child in a grocery store who can't have candy.

I like to think of this as the "Daisy Buchanan on acid"collection. Everything is all cool and fringed and flapperesque and beaded and whatnot. I LOVE the first outfit- I think I would actually wear that, if I could get up the nerve- the second outfit, and the awesome shiny fourth outfit. And the third beaded dress. And the last pale yellow dress. Why do I do this? I always just end up saying I love everything, so why not just say that? Really, I'm a mystery. It always puzzles me when I say something random and people look at me inquisitively, as if they expect me to know what I mean.

It was so hard to only pick five outfits from this collection. Honestly, it was like when you're packing for a trip and resolve to be really firm and organized and not take anything you don't need and just bring a few key nice things and wear them all the time the way Frenchwomen do (although personally I don't think this theory of "capsule dressing"- you know, having like four Chanel suits and wearing them all the time- really works, because a) what if you spill, and b) how depressing would it be to put the same thing on every day? I think if you're going to do it you have to be really committed to it, and a fashion schizophrenic like myself is just not made for capsule dressing) and you end up frantic at four o'clock in the morning trying to shove your sixth pair of boots into your bag alongside the aromatherapy pillow and inflatable inner tube. But back to the clothes. I don't know what I love the most, but I do know that the first dress=perfection, the second dress...I love it, but I don't think it would look very good on me, it's still fantastic, though, the third dress- I usually hate the little collar-neck thing but here it totally works, and the geometric multicolored last minidress and the fourth shiny dress and hat are beyond the Valley of Amazing and veering into Must-Own-Them-Now territory.

So, I challenge you to tell me you didn't love at least ONE of those outfits.
In other news, people are rude and evil. I was working at Cool Vintage Store yesterday, manning the register, doing my usual thing of smiling at people when they walk in as if to imply that I am a caring and helpful staff member whilst covertly skimming through Elle underneath the table, when two of those girls you just have to hate on sight flounced in, expensive designer bags aplenty, laughing in that "We're so much better than you" way. Luckily, they weren't wearing Uggs with skirts or I would have ejected them from the store right away. But anyway, they picked out some boring jewelry and brought it up to the register, and one of the girls (we'll call her Bitch #1) asked- when I say asked, I mean rolled her eyes and demanded- that I hold her fug necklace for her at the register until she was done shopping. When people ask us to do this, we're supposed to write the person's first name on a paper bag along with the price of the object and put the object inside the bag. I asked for the girl's first name and she snottily told me, "Emma." So I observed idly, "That's my name too,". Now, when salespeople tell me things like that, I nod politely. I mean, it's not like I expect people to break into song at my extraordinary salesgirl prowess. But she was just RUDE. She flipped her stupid hair, rolled her eyes at me and GIGGLED and WHISPERED SOMETHING TO BITCH #2. I was just standing there like, "Really?" I mean, does this bitch think she has made my day by strolling into my shop and deigning to buy something? Let me remind you all that I don't even get PAID (well, except in clothes, which to me is actually better than money because if I were getting paid in money my dad would probably stop giving me an allowance and I would just end up spending the money on clothes anyway, and this way I get the best of both worlds.) Also, I am not known to be a warm and friendly person who just strikes up conversation randomly, but since I got this job I've been trying to speak politely to people, because if I'm nice to people they tend to buy things, and if they buy things my supervisor is in a good mood and therefore more inclined to let me hide stuff behind the register until I have enough money to buy it. So when I try to be polite to a customer and they treat me rudely, it enrages me.
EMMA'S LIST OF WORKING RULES
1. Don't be rude to me. If I tell you to have a nice day, I am being FACETIOUS and FALSELY POLITE and there's no need to look at me like I just told you to EAT TURDS.
2. Put your FRICKING clothes back on the FRICKING racks. Is it so hard? Clothes. Rack. Hangers. GOD.
3. If you're going to annoy me for six hours about a purchase, please buy it, or buy something, because if you don't my supervisor gets annoyed. Apparently, when people buy things we make money, and when we make money that's good for the store or something. Who knew?
4. This is a message to all the old men out there. None of whom I hope are reading this blog. Not that I'm anti-old man or anything, but...you know what I mean. STOP ASKING ME TO TRY ON NECKLACES "FOR YOUR DAUGHTER", because we have "similar measurements". NECK measurements? Ick. Stop lurking about the store telling me riddles about the sphynx and ogling me while I sort donations. It's not pleasant.
5. Every single overly Botoxed (oh my God, I just watched one of those totally hilarious Botox commercials on TV where the voiceover waxes rhapsodic about how much more joy you'll get out of life while dead-faced women dance around the screen, all wearing the exact same expression. It is my greatest dream for a bunch of Botoxed Park Avenue moms to one day throw me a surprise party. Picture it- a bunch of expressionless women shouting "SURPRISE!" in deadpan voices without so much as a crinkle crossing their foreheads) cliched New York power-walking whiny mother and their fifteen overscheduled children needs to STOP BOTHERING ME. Really, it's like they seek me out. I don't KNOW if the couch is hypoallergenic, lady, ask someone else.
6. Stop angering me. It's my JOB to be nice to you, so quit provoking me. Also, when I am on my lunch break, that is my BREAK. For LUNCH. That is not the time to accost me with questions as I try to slip out the door. Ask someone else.

THE TV BOOK & MUSIC CORNER- Furthering my love affair with Sufjan Stevens avec The Man Of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts and The Dress Looks Nice On You. The latter is my favorite song du jour. I finally finished Jane Eyre, and...I just didn't like it. I much prefer Pride + Prejudice. I was disappointed because I expected it would be amazing. I'm also sad because ALL MY SHOWS ARE ENDING FOR THE SUMMER :^( But then again, it is summer, and I am giddy, and there are reruns.

CURRENT ATTIRE- I'm trying to de-rage myself with therapeutic healing, i.e. painting my nails (by the way, the brick in the background is my fire escape. I'm sitting out here, and it's v. nice and sunny and whatnot) and eating this AMAZING cookie. The cookie doesn't look so delicious, I know, but OH MY GOD. It is crack wrapped in fudgey molten deliciousness. I mean, not literally, but they are ADDICTIVE. And there are bits of peanut butter is it, which is what those chunks are. I have to stop eating these! It's disturbing how good they are. Anyway, such activities require my light purple bohemian top with the lace edges, my Good-Butt denim knee-length shorts, and my brand-new shoes. Plus a string of chunky beads around my neck as well as my perennial amber necklace.

SIGHTINGS- Rien. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Come on, people, it's summer, let's step it up a notch.


<3

45 comments:

jayne said...

omg! this is amazing! i'm your first comment, you're usually just too popular for that haha ! and emma, why on earth are you posting this early!? whatever, i'm enjoying it! :)

love love the acid-daisy stuff! and that is a perfect description for it

wow, im starting to wonder whether or not i should do retail for a summer job? hmm. the necklace thing is just creepy :( ewww and the botox thing is hilarious!

cookie sounds amazing, wish MN had good bakeries, seriously the best thing near me is called taste of scandanavia, yea, swedes are not known for their food so why devote an entire bakery to it!

and i adore sufjan, i love man of metro...,but i need to check out the other song

The Boob Lady said...

Emma, I know what you mean about customers. Let's just wipe 'em all out shall we? I love the looks of that cookie, will you acquire me one and mail it to Canada? Is that too much to ask?

I also LOVE the blue nailpolish. It's awesome. :)

I get the same thing: "You're similar in size, would you try this on?" It wouldn't be so bad, except it's a lingerie store. "NO!"

Bojana said...

Wow, I never payed attention to what Basso+Brooke was, even I've heard of it a few times, but now I'm like WHOA! Wonderful excentric opulent crazy burlesque....love, to sum it up. LIke aaaaah this makes me exciteeed

alluretone said...

i love the lsat two outfits fom basso+brooks. they're lovely.

maya said...

It actually gives me a warm wave of happiness when you post so i think you should do it more often. Do you want me to be depressed? DO YOU?

Sorry, i'm iin a kind of wierd mood. i never properly woke up this morning and im just kind of lazing aorund in bed which makes my brain not function properly.

Isn't it wierd the you guys have a different mothers day to us?
I was watching Disney channel yesterday (don't judge me, the suite life is really good) and the ad's came on saying "it's mthers day tomorrow, so Disney channel are doing a whole musical weekend so you can celebrate with your mum". um, yeah, watching high school musical and cheetah girls 2 is just what my mum would like to do on mothers day.

Those girls sound like such whores (not in an affectionate way) and that necklace thing is completely disgusting. Men are such pervs. it wouldn't be more obvious if they asked you to try on a bra for their daughter and then take photographs of yourself.
jeez, urgh.

Touche19 said...

blue nails
i like your style

oh, and those dresses ARE GORGEOUS especially the last bunch. I could eat them for breakfast they look so delicious.

why do you get to have an awesome/amazing fire escape?! I am so jealous.

and I agree with you, being paid with clothes is better than being paid with money.

mary said...

okay, no matter how grumpy you sound in your tirade against customers, i bet you're not as bad as this moody old lady who told me off; the other day me and a friend were in my faovrite thrift store, having a good time, laughing and finding good stuff, and some stupid old lady practically yelled at us "do you girls have to giggle at everything?? you're not the only ones in the store" and she just sucked the joy out of everything. and the weird thing is, her husband didnt seem to mind, because he was hitting on us and asking us creepy questions about which side women's shirts button up on. i mean, normally i LOVE old people, but these two sucked. and the actual cashier of the store was glad we were having a good time, and told us so.
so anyways, just dont suck at people who are only having a good time at your store.

Brittany said...

I hate customers like that. just give them the evil eye like shut up bitch youre in my store so get the eff out now while you still have the chance mmkay?
those cookies sound delish by the way. i made cupcakes the other day but they pale in comparison.

-S said...

i can honestly say that i have never heard of Basso+Brooke. sad and pathetic, i know.
and you work at a vinetage store? i'm sure you get first pick of the stuff that comes in right?
and i love your rules. except i must admit, i am the one taking the clothes off the hangers and not returning them, and then of course unfolding shirts to look for the right one. sorry.

blushing apples said...

hello dahling! yuo tend to write a lot, youre a good writer. i myself like to write in fragment, short sentences. Oops ot seems that the dress is avalaible (only 2 sizes left) so you buy one!

Emily Lin said...

First thing first, I LOVE the lamp! I have been wanting something like that since a long time ago. I like your picks on the 3rd batch of dresses. Love all of them.

I can understand your feeling too because I've worked as a waitress in hotel and it was so annoying when some customers treated me badly with their oh-don't-you-dare-to-look-at-me attitude JUST because they are rich. Well, we are human too so we should be treated equally when we treat them nicely.

Anyway, have a nice day in NY.

The Queen said...

You're making me look SO forward to getting my first job. Honestly, if you think you have problems with people, just wait--you'll be happy to read my stories about how I poured a mocha-latte on someone's head...because don't worry, it WILL happen.

I just got the cutest royal blue top. I can't wait to get a picture in it and show ya.

"It is crack wrapped in fudgey molten deliciousness."

See? It's quotes like these that keep me coming back for more...your blog is becoming like crack, lol!

Dilemma said...

Re:Nata
Oh no no no! I love Nata too[I liked her since day one, but then Dionna kind of took over and I forgot about her] but seriously the way people were acting about the last episode was ridiculous. I had to say SOMETHING.

I am the worst packer ever. Ever! Usually what happens to me is I overpack and forget something I REALLY need, or I overpack and then end up hating all the stuff I bought ["oh shit! I should've bought the plum sweater!"-direct quote]. Packing is going to be the downfall of me.

ashley heaton said...

wow, i adore that lamp. great find!

Meg said...

My mother would love you. I always get her boring things like perfume, books etc...and cookery books because her cooking is amazing, that's a totally selfish reason. It never occurred to me to take her exercising :P The spinning classes at my old gym used to freak me the heck out, the instructor's idea of encouragement would be to say stuff like "that's right, keep spinning, you don't want to be fat, do you?" and "come on, faster, keep up, if you want my body, you have to work for it." He was an arse.
Shop bitches are a menace to society and when I worked in a shop, I considered it my duty to take those mofos down (yeah, I'm down with the kids and all that...shizzit?)The trick is to be even more snotty than they are. I used to treat bitches like they were shit and I used my special "dealing with mere commoners" voice that put them in their place.
Oh! And guess what? I was watching some crappy movie set in NY and I saw the Magnolia Bakery and I was like ohhhhhhhhh, that's the bakery that Emma's always talking about, and my flatmates were like, who's Emma? But they don't know about my blog (because I may like the option of talking about them in the future) so I couldn't explain really.

Re: I have to admit that when I realised that it was allowed to vote for yourself, I was like damn I voted for someone else...but then I got my best friend to vote for me, so technically I sort of voted for myself once. I don't know who else voted for me, but it's nice to be liked =)

stilettoheights said...

I love the idea of a candle lit sipping class set to 80's music, I would attend something like that!!

CountryGirl_CityLife said...

I have tried several times in my life to chuck all my poorly made and trendy clothing and just keep the well established pieces and do "capsule dressing" but you are right, after a week it is boring and I am back at forever21 on a major bing. Oddly, though, I never have a problem wearing a favorite pair of jeans 7 days in a row and occasionally sleeping in them.

Blue Floppy Hat said...

Nice lamp...and is it just me, or did it actually look a bit like one of the Basso and Brooke outfits?

coco said...

ive been in love woth basso and brooke ages
they have such an electric imagination

WAT said...

Those girls truly did sound annoying. Poor u!

Sufjan! OH LOVELY CUTE AS HELL SUFJAN!

Tru said...

that cookie sounds so good.....and that nail polish looks liek blue elctricity in a bottle lovely

Maddy said...

That is the best nail polish color EVER.

Mrs Fashion said...

Did the bitches come back when they'd finished 'shopping'?
Mrs F x

rollergirl said...

Hey Emma,
I just linked you!

Hannah Danger said...

Haha! I love this post. Esp that marvelous blue nail polish you have dahling. Now I'd better go get back to my project. =]

ambika said...

Ok, the try the necklace on thing is complete & utter bullshit. In order to avoid having my rack gawked at, my response to that one would be, 'Sorry, I'm allergic to metals. Including gold.' Then smile and shake your head like it's a damn shame even though you're calling them a total perv in your head. Because seriously? That is not cool.

The Redheaded Bandit said...

those were such cool shiny dresses. Can you imagine walking down the runway in one of those?

blushing apples said...

DIRECT QUOTE: "STOP ASKING ME TO TRY ON NECKLACES 'FOR YOUR DAUGHTER', because we have 'similar measurements'. NECK measurements? Ick." your so hilarious.... i would love to work at a vintage store because you get first picks!!! :D

molly said...

man...you should get paid for your job! i mean, it sounds awesome and all, but god you deal with some irritating/potentially creepy people!

dresses = amazing
nailpolish = amazing
your blog = amazing
you = amazing

muze1990 said...

Long long posts! I like :)! Exchange links sounds fine to me! I'll put you on the list today.

maya said...

i agree there is something actually incredible about high grant. its not the british thing for me (im kind of used to htat seeing as i live here) but there is something. he would be an amazing president/prime minister.

alexgirl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Fashionyou's Molly said...

Ask the assistants by the door to chuck out the civillians. I find that way, you get no confrontations.
X

Eritia said...

why thank you! it's so pathetic, i barely ever post, and you have like 60 quajillion comments per post.

missx said...

I am wearing beautiful purple satin nail polish right now, a la Prada, and it is making me so happy.

Your posts are so long I never know which part to comment on. I want to work at a cool retail place sometime, just for the discount/clothes, but I am not good with strangers (unless they're very well or uniquely dressed and then we strike up a conversation) and I am not very helpful just in general.

PS- YOU GET PAID IN CLOTHES?!
PPS- For some reason I thought you were a lot older than you are. I actually have no idea how old you are, but the allowance part is a clue...

Carolina Lange said...

Great pics! I think that Basso+Brooke is fantastic!
That lamp you gave your mother is so pretty!

Mash said...

your mom must be proud to have a daughter like you , I'm sure :)
those girls you called "bitches" well ...i m gonna out of control if I were you , I don't know how you do for keep your calm !

the lipstick lady said...

ok. I apologise. I was reading this post during school and it was all very lovely and I only got up to the bit where the bitchy girl was being bitchy and then she told me to STOP READING. I mean, GOD, we were only in a lesson. jeez.
so, i couldn't comment because I had to continue... labelling fish or something like that and that is the reason I am your 40th comment. (a nice even number for me, goodie. sorry, I have a touch of OCD. I mean, not really because i haven't been diagnosed and plus I dont colour coordinate things and I dont have to count up to 30 all the time like that guy in grey's, I just have to close doors completely shut and make sure the fridge is organised and wash my hands for a minute each time and organise my clothes so they're exatly covering every corner of the floor of my room. nothing major. don't stop reading my blog because i'm a freak. it was bound to come out somehow). but anyway. I love basso and brooke it hurts. I mean. WHY AM I SUCH A FREAK RIGHT NOW. it's PAINFUL TO ME. I'M IN PAIN BECAUSE I'M SUCH A FREAK.



i'm stopping now. i'm just going too stop and return when I'm feeling a little more normal.


p.s. I HAD ANOTHER WEIRD DREAM THAT INVOLVED YOU. apart from there was no weird pigeon lady and we weren't in Golders Green. I was in New York and I was just standing there eating a hotdog (i remember prisicely, it had mustard and relish on it. i hate mustard and relish), and I was actually skinny, so that was a change, anyway. I was wearing my I ♥ NY t-shirt (with a lot of ironyl, dont worry) and my leatehr jacket and I was talking to these hotdog vendors about... I dont know, tom cruise or something, when I saw this guy in my class who moved to new york in december or earlier or something and he was like, 'hey alanna!' and i was like 'hey you!' and then we hugged and he was like, (so many 'likes', i hate that, ignore them) 'say hello to my friend emma' and we both started screaming and jumping up and down and then we went to your house and watched grey's anatomy and dawson's creek. And that was it. that was my other, weird, silly dream about me meeting you. I AM STILL BEING A FREAK.

molly said...

yes, am the first person to say 'nutella' on your poll!
first of many, im sure

how to have awesome taste in music like molly:
download "who needs the peace corps?" by the mothers of invention

and like it.

that is all.

Regina and Renee said...

dresses=fabulous

nail polish=i think i just went into heat

ur blog= F****** ROCKS MY WORLD!!

xoxo
Regina

Meg said...

I wish it were raunchy. That would be like kissing on tumble dryers instead of occasional eye contact and "do you have change for a £5 note?" Yeah, my life sucks. I'm in an eye-contact relationship.

Also, your new poll made it so hard for me to choose, that I was sweating profusely.

hellocello said...

oh my gosh whoever those designers are.... they have proved to me that there is a god!!! wow! even though the first collection was a little loud, i think thats what made it so fabulous! beautiful post!!! :D

Regina and Renee said...

must...fight....addiction....to your....blog....

xoxo
Regina

Brian Mandabach said...

Pride and Predjudice is the best, but I liked Jane too. I'm a sucker for orphans, though Charlotte Bronte doesn't have the biting wit that Austin uses to skewer those characters that deserve it.

indie said...

I wish painting nails would be therapeutic to me! Painting nails makes me just angry...because I probably mess up some Chanel 20 euro glittery perfect red shade colour, for the 23rd time. Why, why why. Atleast I bought it from my geographic teacher, he is so gay and works in Chanel stall to pay his Moschino shirts.