Tuesday, June 19, 2007

If These Models Could Talk...


"Mmm, the inside lining of the pockets of this romper is amaaazing. Seriously, it feels like lanolin. You know. Lanolin. SHEEPS' WOOL? God, you models really are stupid. Didn't anybody else go to night school? But honestly, this is the most supple romper lining I could ever imagine. It's like hearts and stars and moonbeams and the Baby Jesus's top hat and my landlord's beard all rolled into one. Come feel this pocket, you guys. No, FEEL IT. No, I am not coked out, I am the FUTURE OF AMERICA. Look at me. I am a shining goddess. And what is THAT supposed to mean? ARE YOU SAYING I'M GREASY? Stop throwing tweezers at me! I'll pluck when I DAMN WELL WANT TO! You guys! Stop! I thought we were friends! What are you DOING? I don't WANT a Pond's wipe! I happen to LIKE my face with a little MOISTURE! You guys! You guys?....Fine. I don't need you anyway. I'll just play with my LANOLIN."

"What up, BITCH? Yeah, that's right, I called you bitch. I called you OUT, man, what're you gonna do about it? I am STRAIGHT UP HOOD. Westchester County, REPRESENT! Holla to my playaz! I am so hood that I should be wearing a HOODIE. Yeah! Das RIGHT! That's what we call STREET HUMOR! No, fo' real, dawg, I can't believe those chicks in the bathroom at Hyde last night were clownin' me like that. What were they saying? They were all "You have BOY PARTS, get out of the GIRLS' ROOM, no TESTES allowed" an' shit. They be crizzazy, because CLEARLY I am a CHICK, and not just a chick but a STRAIGHT UP G of a chick. Just because I like to adjust my crotch once in a while, and I have a penis, don't mean I don't have FEELINGS, yo. The sensitive always be getting DOGGED, yo, straight up DOGGED.
Are you looking at me wrong, foo? What's that you're whispering about? Did I just hear you say HERM?
Oh, it is so ON. I am going to BRING IT. I am going to SERVE IT UP, CAFETERIA-STYLE, with BISCUITS. I am going to SMASH YOU LIKE AN EMPTY CAN OF COKE ZERO WHICH I SMASH BEFORE THROWING IN THE RECYCLING BIN BECAUSE I CARE 'BOUT THE ENVIRONMENT, SUCKA. Let me just roll up my MAD STREET SLEEVES, bitch, and we will GO. It will be ON. It will be BROUGHT. Yeah.
No, wait, dude, NOT COOL. You gots to let me roll it ALL THE WAY UP 'fore we start this up. I is not crazy 'bout no wrinkles, dawg. Shoot, this cost me MAD DOLLAZ at the Westchester County Mall. RESPECT THE SLEEVES, dude. You gots to respect the sleeves."

"Hi. My name is Tracey. Yes it is. Yes it IS! What? What are you TALKING about? I am not the Dark Lord! My name is not Lord Voldemort! It is TRACEY JOHNSON! What is the MATTER with you? Of COURSE I'm not on a mission to take over the wizarding world and destroy the half-blood boy who thwarted me sixteen years ago when I tried to kill him to prevent an ancient prophecy from coming true! I'm a MODEL! I live in Passaic, New Jersey. I commute to work on the PATH train. I have a Springer spaniel named Ulysses. No, for God's sake, I do not use Horcruxes to gain immortality! Look, STOP COVERING YOUR EYES! I am NOT THE DARK LORD! I know my eyes are a little slitty, but GOD. This is actually pretty rude of you. I'm just going to go HOME, okay? I DID NOT KILL ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, NOR DID I INSTRUCT SEVERUS SNAPE TO DO SO, so just SHUT UP.
No, look, I am not going to harm you. Seriously. I don't speak Parseltongue, and I don't have a trained killer snake. You're starting to PISS ME OFF now, you know that? Fine! Well, if that's the way you're going to be about it, then AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"Sigh. Hey, guys. Yes, it's me. Again. At least I'm out of that romper suit. That thing was starting to chafe. But you probably didn't need to know that. God, I hate this job sometimes. I should have just taken that job at Applebee's. At least I would be HELPING people. I mean, nobody here even knows my name, they just refer to me as "the third sister of those fugly twins from ANTM", which I don't think is very neighborly. And people on the street keep coming up to me and patting my back and asking me if I want a sandwich. No I do not WANT a SANDWICH, for God's sake I am at a perfectly fine and healthy weight. And on top of that, people keep trying to ADOPT me, because apparently I look LOST and my eyes look DEAD or something, and that's never really flattering to hear. I just need a niche or something, you know? Something to make me STAND OUT, besides the fact that I could cut someone with my collarbone. Seriously, the other night my roommate wanted a piece of pie and all our silverware was in the dishwasher so we just used my collarbone. It was very improvisational, you know? I should probably tell Martha Stewart about it."

"Maybe I'll grow dreads. I mean, I haven't washed my hair in like three weeks so that's a good start, right? Dreads would TOTALLY make me stand out. Yes. Here is the plan. I will grow dreads and start wearing big horn-rimmed glasses and paint my face kabuki white and only wear coconut shells and maybe some insane designer like that Lagerfeld dude will adopt me as his muse and I will become the new Ikeliene...Iliekene...Ielekine...well, you know, that Dutch girl who dresses all different. This is going to work out SO WELL and once I am a famous model I will be UNTOUCHABLE and I will absolutely be the most famous member of my graduating class back in Montana, even famous-er than that girl who does the traveling cat circus shows, AND that dude who makes all those late-night water-bed infomercials. God, this is so EXCITING!"

"Yeah, no, okay, that was embarrassing for me. I'm so humiliated. I went and told my friends about my dreadlocks plan and they laughed for like two hours and then they forced me to wash my hair, which makes me think that they are not really my friends because real friends love you unconditionally and don't make you bathe. But anyway. I'm just going to have to keep brainstorming. With my face turned to the wall, because I'm too ashamed to face anyone. DREADLOCKS? What was I THINKING? God, I want a Slurpee."

"I don't care what all those modeling agencies who didn't sign me said. Lazy eye is SEXY, because I MAKE IT SEXY. God, that one agency who told me that I resembled a "Eastern European cafeteria worker named Maude" was so totally out of line. I am kind of an inspiration to all those girls out there with twitches and beards and moles who dream of being on the Shopbop wrap dress page, aren't I? I should probably go on Oprah and tell my story. They could call it "Lazy Eye, Busy Schedule," and it could talk about all my achievements in the field of modeling. Maybe I could even go on Ripley's Believe It Or Not, or, hey! I could write a TELL-ALL NOVEL! It could be a SCATHING EXPOSE OF THE FASHION INDUSTRY'S HARSHNESS TOWARDS DISABILITY! And then I could have a BOOK SIGNING, and I could TWITCH A LOT during the reading and people would be SHOCKED yet AMAZED BY MY RESILIENCE.
But, what was I doing? Oh, yes, my big break in front of the Shopbop cameras. Okay, steady, I'll just make my come-hither face. Yeah, yeah, that's right, I know you want this, I'm a maneater, make you work hard, make you cut cards, I'm your dream girl, boys, I'll make you happy, (yeah-yeah), I'm too sexy for my twitches, too sexy for my twitches, so sex-y it itches...Oh my God, I just came up with that on the spot and now I think maybe I should have a MUSIC CAREER. Lazy Eye Records. But first...gotta finish the photo shoot. Okay, time for some Method Modeling. Remember what my old modeling coach said- tell a story with your face. Okay, here's my story. There's a horrible smell right under my nose...yet I'm kind of turned on by it, in an eye-twitching sort of way. Vogue! Vogue! Vogue! I'm ready for my close-up!"

"Oh my God. Oh, my GOD. OHMYGOD. I am going to KILL MY AGENT, and then I am going to BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE AND KILL HIM AGAIN AND STOMP ON HIS TOUPEE. "Oh, don't worry, sweetie, androgynous is sexy." "Oh, don't worry, sweetie, everybody loves a good tank top dress. It keeps 'em guessing! Dress? Shirt? Who's to know? It's all part of the mystery!" I will SHOW YOU A MYSTERY, HARVEY, and it is called NANCY DREW AND THE CASE OF THE MISSING PANTS. You can practically see my COOTCHIE! I'm just going to breathe...breeeaaatheee...and keep my legs squeezed together really tight and clench my fists and pretend I'm on a tropical island. Wearing BOTTOMS. When I see Harvey it is ALL OVER FOR HIM. I am dead serious. God, I look like I was sleeping at my boyfriend's and left my skirt there and decided it would be fun to show up wearing HIS OLD WIFEBEATER. Steady. I must calm myself. What would Jesus do?
At least HIS robes COVERED EVERYTHING THAT NEEDED TO BE COVEERED, if you know what I mean. I am up a creek without pants, so to speak. I am the girl who cried pants. I am the Pantsless Wonder. Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense, but I am VERY STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW and it is actually pretty CHILLY IN HERE if you're not wearing CLOTHES, so SHUT YOUR FACE. Oh my God my mother is going to see this picture and have a fit. Maybe if I just edge away verrry slow-like...step by step..."

"All right. There is NOTHING degrading about this at all. It is...art. It is a work of art. It could be called "Still Life With Silver Lame Tube Dress". I will just splay out my hands on the wall like so, and "tooch that booty", as Tyra (my cult goddess) would say, and all will be well. As for the face...BLUE STEEL.
Are you smirking at me? You know, in my country we had a word for people like you. JEALOUS OF MY SILVER LAME TUBE DRESS WHICH IS A WORK OF ART AND WILL PROBABLY HANG IN THE LOUVRE ALONGSIDE THAT OTHER PICTURE OF THE GIRL. You KNOW. THIS ONE. She smiles, but you can tell she's thinking "This gown sure is constricting. I wish I had something really classy, like a SILVER LAME TUBE DRESS."

THE TV & MUSIC CORNER- Since I've been spending a very unnatural amount of time at the gym (i.e. actually going), I've been watching a bunch of VH1 while I'm on the elliptical, and I am falling into a deep and disturbing love affair with Charm School. It's so, so, so bad. It's like ANTM's bastard child with Flavor Of Love. But it is INCREDIBLY entertaining. 54th and Crenshaw? I know that actually happened on FOL, but still. I have the lovely Dilemma to thank that ever-entertaining link. Bitch, I don't live in Compton! I'm worried about our future as a society, if this is the relic we will leave behind for future generations. But on the other hand... I think Saaphyri might actually be a genius.
Okay, I haven't discussed the Paristitute's incarceration yet, but basically...people with AIDS are in jail and don't get let out for "panic attacks". I do feel bad that she got let out and then had to go BACK, that sucks, even for her, but basically, to quote the fabulous Boob Lady, "Hey Wonky Eye, don't drop the soap." I swear to God, though, if Nicole Richie goes to jail I will be PISSED OFF. I have to admit, I love her. We're all going to end up working for Nicole Richie one day, you'll see. Music-wise, I know it's been said before, but Regina Spektor is so far beyond amazing. She's the kind of musician who really gets into your soul because the lyrics are as good as the singing.

SIGHTINGS- A really, really cute guy in the street asked me for a lighter. Of course, I didn't have one, and instead of just saying that I practically choked over my own tongue because he was so gorgeous. He was like Holden Caulfield, only not such a whiny pain in the ass. I'm sorry, I loved The Catcher In The Rye but I never warmed to Holden as the "underdog whom every girl loves". But back to the guy- dark jeans, black suit jacket (you know, the fancy ones guys wear to dinners) over a bright purple T-shirt. Vintage-looking sneakers. Very much my type. And I am pleased to say I was out around NYC for three hours today and saw not ONE pair of Tory Burch flats. Progress, no? Last, I was walking in Central Park and caught sight of a girl wearing the most amazing eyelet white minidress (sort of Miu-Miu-esque), fab vintage-y purse and gladiator sandals which I am actually not fond of at all but I let it slide because of the amazingosity of the dress.

CURRENT ATTIRE- Two H&M tanks, Pucci-print boxers.

<3

135 comments:

The Queen said...

Ohmygod. Emma, you MUST help me!!

My sister...*gasp/cry/sob*

She came home from my Aunt's house today...wearing a romper.

*GASP!!!*

It was black, so it wasn't entirely obnoxious. She wore her bikini underneath it. I guess it's convenient...but my sister!!

I think it's taking over the world.

rollergirl said...

You are one crazy lady...

Dilemma said...

Ok, I'll admit, sometimes I have a very hard time reading your posts in one go[I have a short attention span, and I usually have to get up for more snacks, but whatev], but this one I read all the way through.
The second one absolutely KILLED me. KILLED ME. "That's what we call STREET HUMOR! No, fo' real, dawg, I can't believe those chicks in the bathroom at Hyde last night were clownin' me like that. What were they saying? They were all "You have BOY PARTS, get out of the GIRLS' ROOM, no TESTES allowed" an' shit." And the best use of the word 'testes' goes to you, Emma, because that was absolute genius.

I've never met anyone else who disliked KiKi. EVER! Sometimes I like they way she dresses[when she's got a bra on and her girls aren't down to her ankles], and we have the same weird-ass face shape, but that's about the only that makes her tolerable.

Thanks for telling me about that whole 'nay/neigh' confusion. I would rather someone tell me so that the typo isn't just sitting there so other people think I'm a gramatically challenged asshat. Personally, I blame the education system for spending more time on irregular verbs than the correct usage of 'neigh'.

54th and crenshaw represent, y'all! Ok, that was kind of lame but I love Saaphyri so much it's borderline creepy. When I go to LA, whenever that is, I'm going to go to Saaphyri's hair salon and have her give me a fabulous weave like Ty Ty's. It will be weavetastical!!! I almost typed that as 'weavetestical'. I think your words have seeped into my brain.

fashionistakay said...

I'm tagging you out. Check out my most recent entry for details.

Dilemma said...

http://i11.tinypic.com/680voz5.png
For you. The horse ears didn't turn out as well as they could have....
[and I hope you're well versed in macro/manip speak, otherwise you'll REALLY think my grammar is terrible]

The Queen said...

Sounds good.

And driving's not all it's cracked up to be, obviously by my hazardous experiences. It gets worse and worse every day.

I'm not a fan. I should live in NY where I don't have to do it as often.

dianabobar said...

OMG that was sooooooo funny! You had all them so right! Like yeah, that's what they were thinking:))) hahaha, the romper girl: funny! oh and the silver lame tube dress: classy! LOL
keep on writing "Thoughts of models" please. It's very entertaining!
xoxo

The Stiletto Effect said...

once again you made me laugh reading your post :) you always have these great and funny ideas :)

oy oy oy me like ya post aye!! ;)

luv
x0x0
Su

Curiosity.Killer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Curiosity.Killer said...

This is HILARIOUS, Emma. Seriously, these models must be humiliated to be photographed such lame and slutty clothes.

That silver lame tube dress give me the shudders. The HORROR!!

stilettoheights said...

I think this is my favorite thing of yours so far!!

Frasypoo said...

That was the best....I loved it.You caught their thoughts!
I am addicted to Charm school !Its like a car crash about to happen and you want to close your eyes but one part of you urges you to watch!FOL made the girls from "The Bachelor" very classy!

CountryGirl_CityLife said...

wow, that silver dress....wow.. I would sooner wear pleather shorts in sweltering salty sweaty heat. Westchester, represent, classic. I wore an eyelet dress through central park on Sunday, sadly it was black and I would never wear gladiator sandals so I guess I am not the cool chick you sighted. close call, though.

Flashy_Shades said...

hahahah
european cafeteria worker named maude!

Meg said...

bahahaha! I want a silver lame tube dress! I just didn't realise my heart's desire until now!
You should working in advertising like I'm going to...except I think you may steal my job...so don't. (yeah, I'm selfish, what's new?)

Re: You lie, Gael is so not with you...olives really? I could go for some olives right now...or whipped cream smeared all over my naked body (that's right. Me + Gael = nekked)

the lipstick lady said...

bro, i hear you (these shoes cost 300 FUCKING DOLLARS... LET'S GET 'EM)
please explain to me what an elliptical machine is, I've heard about them in distant tales but never have I seen one with my own two eyes. maybe i have. i jsut don't know it. so TELL ME. what is this blasted thing??

A. said...

Oh my, you sure do make me laugh. American Apparel models have always creeped me out.....


And that boy sounds absolutely adorable!I wish I lived in a city....... sighhhhhhhh. Let's all feel bad for Farmland Anna....

Henna said...

You're hilarious - and gladiator sandals... I think they're one of those things that grow on you...

Fashionyou's Molly said...

HAHAHA!
You make me laugh so much.

Oh yeah.. YOUVE BEEN TAGGED!
Just cos your blog is so lovely.

INNIT THOUGH? COS IM THE G?

haha/

*** MeMiLy EdD *** said...

you have been tagged - c website
xxx

jayne said...

haha! loved this post! you're so creative :) the hoodie one was my favorite!

Felice said...

Hi! I've tagged you! :D ENJOY!

fashionista said...

you are the funniest person on the face of the universe. i love the westchester county represent...er.

Jennine said...

you should make a book of this stuff... hil-a-rious!

Isabel said...

Oh man. Emma - your humour SLAYS me! I can't even pick a favourite. You remind me of the sarcastic version of myself that existed 1-2 years ago and still likes to pop up once in a while.

Keep up the good work!

Carolina Lange said...

This post is hilarious!

-ciao bella- said...

this post is just too hilarious for words. yeah i am pretty much laughing hysterically right now

the lipstick lady said...

oh god, I can't remember if I commented this post allready. I keep flicking down the comments to find one by me, and sometimes I do but sometimes I don't.
oh god
it's happening to me
i'm turning into a road sign
SHDGWKBSLJ;KLSAAHAHHHAHKFDSLAA

pinup_girl said...

You had me on the floor in stitches. You are hilarious! Keep posting!

La Principessa said...

Clever as always. I especially enjoyed the girl in the yellow dress. And Tory Burch flats can burn in hell.

.m. said...

HHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TOO funny! "That's right, i called you bitch. Icalled you out!" LOL this post was toooo funny, and i will now be visiting this blog erry day homie!

LADY said...

Emma you are my hero. Absolutely hilarious. I am waiting for the day when I see that silver lame tube dress walking my way.....

ashley heaton said...

haha, amazing.

Maddy said...

It is 4:00 AM and I have the worst cold right now (I am essentially a snot machine in pajama pants), but this post made me feel so happy. "I'll show you a mystery, it's called NANCY DREW AND THE CASE OF THE MISSING PANTS!" HAHAHA...

Would it be inappropriate to say that I love you right now?

I'm sorry, it's probably the Tylenol talking.

But I really do love you.

the lipstick lady said...

yes it is from the jaclyn moriarty book, and it was scary when I read it how much I actually was lydia. but then I turned into emma a little bit more and then cassie which means there is only one logical explaination for this: jaclyn moriarty is stalking me.
but yes, in return to your comment about being a comment trollop (trollop, what a wonderful word. I'm going to have to start calling everything a trollop. like, 'that house is such a trollop'(it could mean a good thing or a bad thing! this is the wonder of the illiterate english folk I hang out with) or... 'you trollop, you!'. which I quite like), I will now lavish you with comments to feed your trolloping ambition.

p.s. i have noticed that my posts are becoming almost as long as yours, but I do shred them down a little when I read over them and realise they don't make any sense. I mean, that post started with the gym, in the middle had something to do with italy and ended with nigella lawson. And was about 3 pages long, but not in a good way (your way), more like in a way that I totally didn't do any kind of plan for an essay and then WHY ARE PEOPLE DRILLING OUTSIDE MY HOUSE??? I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK. and then just kind of forgetting the essay question and somehow writing a letter to the prime minister kind of way. did that make sense? Oh god, it didn't. but you know what I mean

the lipstick lady said...

trollop

the lipstick lady said...

not you, just the word 'trollop' (i give you three comments for 3 comments. but actaully I've now given you 4 or 5, depending on whether the mystery comment exists or not.)

Maddy said...

Hey, I was reading your last post, and now I need to know... where the hell are those monkey earrings from? I must have them.

Jamie said...

You are hilarious!

Eritia said...

ooooooohmygod

that was a hilarious post


are you sure you aren't the lovechild of John Cleese and Louise Rennison?

cuz you sure talk like it

hahahahahahathat post was filled with extreme hilariosity

illy said...

Hilarious! Yes, link exchange. Immediately! Illy xx

ashley heaton said...

ps you've been tagged...
http://ashleyheaton.blogspot.com/2007/06/youre-it.html#links

-S said...

that first picture? it looks a bit too see-through for me. is it lined at ALL?
and the metallic jumper? are people actually paying for that?!?

fashionista said...

you know what, i loved this so much that i printed it out and hung it on my wall just to laugh. it's been working. my family thinks i have gone insane.

xoxo

molly said...

GODDAMMIT EMMA!
can you do one post that doesnt have me laughing hysterically?
just one?
my mom is starting to suspect that i dont spend all the time on my computer doing schoolwork

46 comments in two days??
god youre the next perez...

and ive been here since the beginning! dont forget us small people

Meg said...

Re: That's exactly what I thought! Who can resist a leather catsuit (probably PVC, black...maybe Gareth Pugh!) and dominatrix behaviour? Not me.
You know what would be great? If all the cool kids on blogspot worked in an office together and our job was to blog. We COULD do gossiping by the photocopier(I don't know why there is a photocopier when we blog...maybe for butts and party flyers?) and have craaaazy times at the office X-mas party. Suddenly my job prospects do not look so shambolic.

Meg said...

PS. Grace Jones could be our office bitch!...Or the boss!...Or both!

alexgirl said...

OMG, I have SO missed you and your brand of CRAZY.

First of all, can I just say that when I went for my desperate-attempt-at-a-part-time-job interview at American Apparel, the girl in the white romper was my interviewer. It was a sad, sad day that SHE didn't think I was good enough to work at AA. Maybe if I'd shown up in the silver lame tube dress she would have taken me more seriously.

alexgirl said...

hah! yeah, it was totally her. I think it was at an AA in midtown near Bloomies, if you want to go stalk her. just kidding.
And i love those green Louboutans from your last post. I bought some cheapo Dolce Vita's that look slightly reminiscent.

Eliana said...

Wow...I've never read anything like that. I actually thought the models and their clothes looked pretty, but after reading those conversations with them, I don't know.

DDL said...

Thank you.

Made my day.

Mrs Fashion said...

I am SO late but what a wicked idea for a post you little clever-clogs! Mrs F x

Touche19 said...

CUTE LIGHTER GUY SOUNDS LIKE A REAL WINNER!
I would have jumped him immediately.

I am so depressed that I wont be able to read your blog for 2 weeks straight :[
I'm off to Spain/Portugal, so toodles!

Brian Mandabach said...

jeez, Emster, you're getting too many comment! fiddy-five? Mine make fiddy-sixizzle!

This was brillaint, but lay off that girl with the spatula bones, okay? I love her and her dirty brown bangs becuase she reminds me of a younger, half-starved Hope from Thirtysomething.

Felice said...

Hi...if i send you a pic you can tell me if I would pull off a short shortcut ? It's because no body can seem to answer me...and since you told me that we are much a like...maybe you could give me your opinion...please ?

Alison said...

GAWD YOU'RE FUNNY!!! I might just be in love <3
the wierd thing is, the models real thoughts are probably not too far from the ones you made up...
scary potatoes

jungle dream pagoda said...

Emma i love that you have set about on a one woman rant to rid us the skeeve of rompers! do you soppose this man(check out his"collectables") could rescue the romp from the clutches of skank,perhaps with tasteful opaque hose and sensible but sexy black boots?

Elle said...

HA that was hilarious your posts are soo long and my mind starts to wonder at times but I come back and pick up where I left off lol those american apparel models annoy me soo much with their pissy faces but w.e great post

Teresa said...

You, making fun of sad sacks/ Urban Outfitter/American Apparel models, made my day.
"Ikeliene...Iliekene...Ielekine...well, you know, that Dutch girl who dresses all different."
HILARIOUS.

Jennifer said...

I love everything you picked out especially the star jumper, you have the coolest blog :P:P but you hear that all the time!
xoxo

Q said...

Whatever. Models are still fucking the hottest people to walk the earth.

Rock on the badass blogging!

Jennifer said...

that stuff is funny, i don't know how you come up with it.

The Jetset said...

You basically rock, hahaha

molly said...

hey i just realized, the girl in the metallic minidress looks like miranda from "lizzie mcguire"!
i will never be able to watch that again without imagining her in that dress.

not that i watch it to begin with.


your comments are passing cory kennedy-levels, its insane!
youre like the popular chick in high school whose still nice to everyone!

Katie Rosemary said...

I am in love with this blog, you got the models' thoughts dead on! vair amusant indeed

Gryphon said...

AA girls are walking messes

Seraphine said...

Gaa-- that has to be the longest blog post I have ever read. Also, one of the funniest.
Having a lazy eye in no way will hamper your ability to work as a model, by the way. It sounds really sexy.

Jennifer said...

Sure emma, thank you so much! I'm linking you back right now!

fashionista said...

i have literally memorized hoodie girl's thoughts...i am such a freak.

alexgirl said...

Jehovah's Witness--hah!
And Thanks! i got those at H&M for 2 bucks and they're my fave sunglasses ever. They looked suh-weeeet with my red polka dot bikini.

Fabi said...

haaaaaaaaaahahaha. oh my you are funnyyy. those models seem so unperfect to me now. thanx, heheheh

molly said...

The fact that you
a) left pretty much one of my favorite comments ever
b) and it included the phrase "groove on, groovester"
c) included PIRATE TALKING!

pretty much guarantees you a spot in my personal Hall of Coolness

molly said...

oh and for your SEVENTY-FIFTH FREAKING COMMENT:

sorry i said "pretty much" twice...that sounded bad!

Meg said...

You've gone away for a month?! Why? Who needs a vacation from blogging? Blogging is fun. *SAD*

Carissa said...

You can't imagine how much I love you now. Hey wonky eye, don't drop the soap? You are beautiful.

kf said...

WHAT A BRILLIANT ENTRY!!!!!

god damn. good thinking.

i just think that there needs to be more coke referencing for those american apparel bitches...

Bella said...

Ahahahha...funniest thing ever you are hilarious...silver tube dress made me crack up...:P

Bojana said...

hahahahahhaa you are GREAT. Seriously great.

I'm bowing down on my knees.

Tru said...

haha those if models could talk thing made me laugh

Carissa said...

Btw, I linked you. I saw that you asked? Well, obviously my answer is yes.

Le Portillon said...

But I wear a romper! though I'd prefer to call it a playsuit or a jumpsuit.. Mine is a lot nicer than that one though. And I've had mine for years.

Anyway. You're fun.

molly said...

yeah it is weird that im always like your 40th comment and youre my first!

guess im like the more underground blog...with my little hipster following

if you let me be the president of your fan club, you can be the president of mine!

Isabel said...

I didn't even think it was possible to get 80+ comments on a post. You are so popular! When I visit NYC in the fall, please don't be too cool to not hang out with me.

hellocello said...

JEE-SUS CHRIST.

i cant even describe my overall giddyness right now.

hilarious. you say everything everyone else wont!!!

*BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*

Jenna said...

Your writing skill will drive me again to your blog. Thanks for the post.

Queen Michelle said...

You make me laugh OUT LOUD. I'm at WORK and now people think I'm not working, which I'm not, but still, I don't want THEM to know.

Eritia said...

OH MY GOD!!!!!!


YOU CAN'T LEAVEEEEE

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i WILL DIE WITHOUT YOUR COMIC RELIEF
*starts to hyperventilate*

Eritia said...

Just to let you know....

the Noooo! in my above post really goes on for about 300 O's and 20 !'s,
but stupid blogger.com cut it off.

the lipstick lady said...

i guess I shall have to wait until the end of july for a reply to this:
http://popsugar.com/342773
I do feel that it's my duty as your across the word friend from the net to notify you of the horrors that are on that link, so you can go beat the crap out of adrien next time you're throwing stones at his windows outside his house with a batch of freshly baked poisin muffins for him.

Fashion Lolita said...

:''D

maya said...

jealous of her silver lamé tube dress? hell yes. no.
Emma, are you secretly really really ghetto because your little ghetto freestylee thingy was just right.
Oh yeah, IM BACK btw. did you miss me? ok, i wasnt away for that long, but please say yoy did. that would be a nice thing to do.

Iheartfashion said...

Hahahahahaha....you clearly read their minds!

alexgirl said...

Hey hey hey! how 'bout that rain yesterday? Whoa.
I'm having a contest on my blog. Come submit an entry!!

joanna said...

emma, you are the greatest storyteller of our time. fo realz. that second story was KILLER.

ps- I'M BACK!!!

dusk&summer said...

hilarious lol

The Stiletto Effect said...

hi :)
i've just posted an article about: "Are bloggers becoming the new celebs?".
Maybe you want to check it out and give your opinion!
thank you so much
*******
luv
Su

Viva Las Divas said...

I MISS YOUR BLOGS
i was going to put i miss you but i realise i don't actually know you so it might sound a bit strange.

sara said...

Shut up (I can't believe I just used that) you hav 99 comments, OMG that means I'm 100! It must be my lucky day!
your post was hilarious as usual, the guys sounds hot, and I just orddered Catcher In The Rye this morning.

Jennifer said...

*burp*

Model Citzen said...

um, where the hell do you think you're going?!!!! EXCUSE ME?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO COME TO THE BRUNCH TOMORROW! noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


emma, seriously, you've outdone yourself.

daddylikeyblog said...

Emma you're so funny. Start writing again. We miss you!

blushing apples said...

YES, were missing you! ;D

Regina and Renee said...

ohh lovely post!!


xoxo
Regina

Jay said...

Your funny as hell and very much like me check out my blog halla

Brian Mandabach said...

you checked out before I did, but I'm back. You need to come back, too!

hellocello said...

yeah. i just read through this...

again... :P

crizzazy. god that gets me every time.

coco said...

the foirst picture is so cool

rollergirl said...

EMMA! Where ARE you???

kate said...

you are quite possibly the funniest person i've ever read on the internet. and thanks for the comment on my old blog.

Touche19 said...

we always seem to be on the exact same path when it comes to not posting in forever....


BUT COME BACK CHILD, I MISS MY BABY CAKES!

Emma said...

I stumbled across your blog and I LOVE it! I live in England (Sooooo wished I lived in America) and my fav. books are the Georgia Nicholson series and reading your blog is like reading one of her fabbity fab fab diary entries! Keep up the posting!!!!

Lama Drama said...

i love love love this post and ur blog!

maya said...

Emma, where areeeee youuu?
come on, your blog keeps me sane.
Ok, not exactly sane, more like completely insane but it does actually keep me alive.
i am slowly losing the will to live.
im sure i've said this before but do you want me to die?
DO YOU?

Kathryn Elyse Rodgers said...

haha this is too funny...

molly said...

this mightbe creepy...but im concerned over your physical wellbeing
please be alive
please be alive
please be alive

Kathryn Elyse Rodgers said...

of course you may link me! :)

Shelby said...

I VOTE YES TO LINK EXCHANGE. I HAVE ALREADY LINKED YOU, SEEING AS YOU ARE A STONE FOX. :DDDDD

molly said...

EMMA!!!!!!!!!
ertheagn5uf;anfulaenu;rvt4a
youre back!!!
where the merlin's saggy left testicle were you?

i was reading to stalkingly find out your last name and call on a manhunt!
and then i went all grandmotherly and was like "ooh, that child, livin in new york, that place is DANGEROUS, she needs to move to new hampshire"(my grandmother, coincidentally, is southern)

kate said...

you're so cool. thanks for linking me, i'm going to link you back.

alluretone said...

oh gosh, that romper is disgusting. and the silver tube dress is just very wrong.

alexgirl said...

Thank god you're back! We've all been going crazy w/o you.
Can't wait for the new post.

Helena. said...

Link me up baby! - And I'm glad you're back! :D

CountryGirl_CityLife said...

oooooh, I saw on maya's blog that the bitch is back. YAY!

KSV said...

You are my kinda lady!! Thanks for stopping by my blog! Please, let's link each other. That doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean. I think you are dead on with the things these chicks are thinking. Haha!

maya said...

oh yes. 127th comment, you are allowed to kiss my shoes.
ummm, where were you?
glad your getting a new post up soon. I have read this one so many times it's untrue.
do you like harry potter? just checking if the twin bond is still going strong.

maya said...

also my friend molly just read this post and she says that she loves you and she's ginger so it must be true.

summer pickles said...

heavens above, I haven't giggled quite this much for quite a while! THANKYOU! Loved this!
Oh, and my first visit to your blog today... love it.
xx

maya said...

im not finished yet! i have about half the book left because i've been really buy lately qith hardly any time to read. i lurve it so far but dont tell me anything that happens or i may have to slaughter you.

Mrs Fashion said...

Emma, I can't leave it any longer!

I wish you'd never told us you were back!

Not that I didn't wish that you were back you understand - it's just the fact that now I know a new post is on it's way and I'm fanatically checking your blog every, ooh, fifteen minutes hoping and wishing and praying that you'll have blogged again. I have a job to do!

Knowing that you're out there and I can't read new things from you yet is just too much to bear. So near and yet... so far. Pleeeeease post soon.

Mrs Fashion, close to insanity x

selinaoolala said...

i think my general level of bitchy-ness has decreased since your absence. this is not a good thing! that part of my brain could be filled with other thoughts, such as metallic leggings...

mushroommeadows said...

I'll definitely link you. You're really an amazing writer...a tad bit dark. :)

AmyO said...

Woo! Kewel! I'd love a link, I did kinda forget about the blog for a while, but then I was kinda flunking two out of four classes and that's half of all my classes. Never gonna let that happen again. The failing I mean, although if people actually read what I write, I won't forget to write again either.

molly said...

no!
was your return really so fleeting?

please say you are really and truly back!

and where in carmen sandiago were you?

Millissa said...

ewww those are horrible your'e hilarious! cheers xoxo MILLISSA

Emily Lin said...

Traveling? Having long vacation? We MISS you, Emma! :)